On the Wings of a C6X Angel
by Sarahrei
Summary: Mordin has found a cure for Jokers Vroliks. Shepard and Joker deal with the cure while avoiding their feelings. Romance and hilarity  hopefully  ensues.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first fan fiction in nearly 10 years, which means I am more than a little rusty. Please feel free to review. A big super massive Thank You to my Beta Alilypea who has always encouraged my writing, even if wasn't all that great.

Rating is for later chapters, it's gonna get sexy up in here

There was space, endless space. She was spinning in the zero g catching only glimpses of the fire on the destroyed wreck that was the Normandy and the odd flash of the after burners on the escape pods as they headed towards the Citadel. All she could do is hope that the collector ship that was the cause of the attack wouldn't start targeting them next.

Was Joker safe? Had she hit the button in time? She frantically looked through the wreckage looking to see if she could get a visual on his escape pod. Then she heard it, the unmistakable hiss of a puncture in her suit, reaching behind her head she felt it, a hole in her oxygen line. Taking a deep breath she felt the familiar thickness of the air around her, a feeling that she had experienced going off world when she'd taken a little too long to put her helmet on. She was running out of air, and quickly. The black edges around her eyes started to threaten to close in and then she saw a flash, Joker's escape pods after burners had kicked in.

"Joker," she managed to choke out before the crushing pressure hit her chest, reaching up for her throat and trying to take a breath she looked out at the great beyond struck by how peaceful the stars seemed even amongst all the chaos of the attack, and then everything went black.

Jolting upright Shepard found herself struggling to figure out her surroundings. The faint blue glow of her fish tanks let her know that she was in her Captains quarters.

"God," Shepard found herself saying, "I hate that fucking dream"

The blue orb in the corner of her captain's quarters pulsed. "Sorry to wake you commander," the familiar female voice said, no real emotion thereto show that she was actually sorry "Mordin requests to see you in his lab at your earliest convenience, he says it's urgent."

"Yeah I'm up," Shepard rubbed her face and forcing her racing heart to calm down "and when it is not urgent with him? Tell him to give me 15 minutes to shower and grab a coffee and I'll be down."

"Logging you out Shepard," the blue orb disappeared back to where ever it came from.

Walking into her washroom she looked closely at the face staring back at her in the mirror. Her hair had gotten long, the raven locks now halfway down her back. It was nice, running her hands through the dark waves. She had always hated the Alliance regulations about hair; they seemed to want to control the smallest details about their soldiers. The scars that had criss crossed her face from Cerberus's upgrades now mostly faded due to "positive actions" according to Dr. Chakwas. She found herself rolling her eyes at her reflection in the mirror how that worked she would never understand. Shepard looked herself in the eyes, her favorite feature. She had never seen another person with the same eyes that she had, a navy blue ring surrounding a pale blue that was so light it was almost white. Kaiden had called them icy, but Shepard thought that they had an exotic flare to them, and since when was being icy a bad thing?

"Sorry to interrupt Commander," Shepard sighed and turned towards the voice in just outside her door.

"But you're doing it anyway..." there was no response, sighing Shepard opened the bathroom door. "What is it EDI?"

"Mordin says that it is very urgent," while the orb in front of her couldn't feel the sting of the death glare coming from Shepard's face, she decided to do it anyway.

"Fine, tell him I'll just get dressed grab my coffee and be in," EDI started to talk "...and NO I won't skip my coffee"

The orb disappeared without its usual farewell; maybe it saw the death stare after all. Grabbing a pair of black cargos and a white t-shirt she made her way to the mess hall, hoping that Rupert had her coffee ready for her. Rubbing her face trying to get the last of the sleep out of her eyes during the slow elevator ride down she tossed her hair into its normal bun. While it was pretty it certainly got in her way when she was lining up a shot with her sniper rifle, and considering they were going to the prison today she figured being ready wasn't a bad thing. Rounding the corner into the mess hall she had to smile when she saw the familiar mug waiting for her, passing a fleeting thank you towards Rupert she made her way back to the elevator.

"Morning Commander," the bright over-happy voice of Kelly met her the second the elevator doors had shut. Did this woman ever have a bad day?

"Morning," can her grumbled reply, two sips of coffee was not enough to deal with this much happiness.

"Are you alright? You look tired," Kelly looked her over, "didn't sleep well?"

"Usually don't, you know me," Shepard had to try not to snap at Kelly, she was just concerned after all.

"I wish you would talk to me about those nightmares Shepard," Kelly frowned, "I can't help if I don't know about them you know"

"Don't take it personally Kelly, I don't talk to anyone about them," taking another sip of coffee she glanced up, "anything I should know?"

"You have unread messages at your private terminal, and Mordin requests to see you in his lab. He says it's urgent."

"So I hear, I'm on my way," with a brief wave she headed towards the lab.

The lab doors opened with their normal _swish_ and Shepard did her best to put on her, _'I haven't showered yet, and you woke me up early so this better be important face'_, but was stopped suddenly when she was greeted with a pair of familiar green eyes staring back at her.

"Hey Commander, don't usually see you up this early," Joker adjusted his hat and flashed her a grin that always melted her insides.

Shepard felt heat crawl up her neck, quickly looking down at her coffee cup she grinned. "Yeah I know, I like my sleep. Mordin got EDI to wake me up." _'Get a hold of yourself Kai,'_ she thought, _'its just Joker.'_

"You ok Commander? You look a little red." Joker beamed down at her "Or is it my charming smile and good looks getting to you?"

Shepard choked on her coffee. "Um no, just really hot coffee," she answered, wiping her mouth on the back of her hands

The door at the far end of the room opened just in time to cut of Jokers come back, and in walked the Salerian doctor.

"Ah, glad you're both here. Know you're busy. Very important discovery. Couldn't wait."

Kai smiled at Mordin, Kelly's description of a hamster on coffee was more and more accurate when Mordin had discovered something. Sometimes she couldn't help but wondering if he was battery operated or something.

"Slow down Doc." Joker laughed raising a hand to try and slow Mordin's chatter. "What's so important that you had to pull our mighty Commander out of bed?"

Shepard elbowed him in the ribs...gently..."Ow! Hey! Watch it, brittle bones remember?"

"That's what I needed to discuss. Joker's illness. Found a cure." Mordin shuffled through some data pads before finding the one that he was looking for. "Old technology but according to tests 99% likely to cure."

Shepard quickly turned to Joker, who was now doing a very good impression of a fish before turning back to the doctor. "Quick Doc, give us the details before Joker faints," she pulled up a chair for him to sit in, as he had now started to sway.

"Jokers bones are brittle due to lack of nutrients in his bone marrow. Bone marrow transplants were often done to treat all kinds of illnesses. It's an old procedure and outdated. However it may work in this case. Just need to find a match."

"Do you have a test ready?" Shepard glanced at Joker, who was now turning white

"Yes yes, all ready. Just need to gather crew," Mordin started to grab swabs from a jar.

"That's wonderful Doctor; can you please go and confirm with that she would have everything needed for the procedure? I'd like a word with Joker."

Without another word the Doctor left the lab, leaving Shepard with a very shell shocked Joker. "Hey," he glanced up at her voice, "you okay?"

Joker found himself nodding, "yeah...I guess"

"Do you want this?" Shepard looked at his face, catching his eye, "you don't seem as happy as I thought you would be."

Joker rubbed his face and cleared his throat. "Of course I do, it just seems so unbelievable. Years I've been told that I would only be able to slow my disability down but never stop it," he swallowed roughly "but what if we don't find a match?" He glanced up into her impossibly blue eyes and felt the sting of tears. After years of wanting this, having the possibility this close but still not certain caused an ache in his chest.

She gave him a reassuring smile, gripping his shoulder, "we will, if this is what you want I won't stop until we do okay? We have a big crew here, and if that doesn't work I'll try and pull some strings at the Citadel."

Joker managed a weak smile back, "thanks Kai," Shepard's heart fluttered at the use of her first name, he had always just called her Shepard or Commander, just like the rest of the crew. "You're the best friend a guy could ask for."

Shepard had to fight back the frown. A friend. That's all she was, and all she would ever be. She was Commander Shepard, Commander of the friend zone. Forcing herself to smile she stood up heading towards the door.

"Hey no problem, you feel okay to fly? Dock us at the prison so we can still go after this Jack person and I will call a meeting and inform the staff of the test okay?" Shepard pressed the door lock

Joker slowly brought himself to standing before flashing his trademark grin at Shepard. "Prison eh? On it Commander," before turning toward the cockpit and walking away with a slight limp, he couldn't help but smile at the thought that soon he may not take so long to walk anywhere. Sitting in his pilot's chair he planned the mass relay jump.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: All credit yet again goes to Alilypea for making my rambling make sense. Also for Betaing at warp speed. Thank you to all who have saved this store to their favs. and subscribed for updates. It gives me the motivation to keep writing. **

Heading back to her Captains quarters for the shower that she had missed earlier Shepard had time to reflect. She was excited for Joker; this was something that he had wanted for as long as she had known him. He used to have her go with him to doctors appointments all over the Terminus as support only to be told the same thing: _'We're sorry Mr. Moreau, there is no treatment available.'_ Go figure a Salarian had figured it out although she shouldn't be surprised really; Mordin could solve any problem that he put his mind too. She could only hope that there was a match on the ship, and that Joker wouldn't totally forget about her when the girls were falling at his feet when he was well. She sighed, it was perfectly clear that he only viewed her as his Commander, and a friend. Even saving him from the burning wreck of the Normandy had failed to get his attention.

Grabbing the shampoo she made quick work of washing her hair before shutting off the hot water toweling off and heading down to the mess hall to address the crew. Deciding to leave her hair down to let it dry instead of putting it up in her usual bun, no point in risking a headache this early in the day.

Turning towards the mess hall she wasn't surprised to see that Joker was already waiting, smiling at him more to reassure herself that this would go well and headed over to the coffee pot to get her second cup of the day. They were going to a prison after all, it didn't hurt to be alert.

"Hey Commander, that stuff stunts your growth ya know," Jeff winked at her.

"Shut up, mister. 5'7 is a perfectly good height for a woman." Shepard had to chuckle. Grabbing a second cup and pouring a coffee for Joker while she was at it. "Still take it black Joker?" Joker nodded

"EDI?" Shepard looked towards the blue orb off to the side of the kitchen grabbing the coffees and heading to the table where Joker was seated.

"Yes Shepard?" EDIs blue orb flashed in response.

"Activate the intercom please," Shepard took a sip of her coffee taking a seat next to Joker the orb flashed again.

"Ready Shepard."

Shepard cleared her throat, "All crew please report to the mess hall immediately"

Joker shifted in his seat, "Shepard, what if there isn-"

"Stop it," Shepard cut him off, "there WILL be a match okay? I promise. There is no way that there isn't at least ONE match for you in the terminus, we will find someone."

Joker smiled at Shepard, who had gone back to looking at her coffee with unfocused eyes. Though she didn't know it he had been lost without her, those two years were the worst in his life.

When his escape pod had landed at the Citadel he had been almost immediately grounded, his license to fly revoked and the death of Commander Shepard put squarely on his shoulders. The crew had arrived before him and it didn't take long for word to get around that he had refused to leave the Normandy, causing Shepard to sacrifice herself to save him. He had never asked her why she had done it; there really hadn't been the chance to have that kind of heart to heart.

The second she had woken up she had started gathering the new crew to fight the collectors. He could still remember that day like it was yesterday watching her body arch and twist while she fought for air he had been screaming and trying to get the emergency pod doors open. Pounding his fists against the little window of his escape pod until he had fractured the bones along the side of his hands, screaming her name with the off chance that she may hear him. He was watching the woman that he loved die; of course Shepard didn't know that he had feelings for her. He didn't want to complicate things; she would want to be with someone strong, a soldier like herself, a real man like Kaiden Alenko.

When Cerberus had contacted him a few months later to let him know that they had recovered her body and they were going to bring her back he'd collapsed. They had asked him to go to the facility where she was being rebuilt to offer some insight into the kind of woman she had been before she had died. Seeing as he had been one of her closest friends he had all the answers, he spent hours telling him about her training for the Alliance military, how her parents had been killed by a bunch of Batarian slave traders and how she had moved past that to become the respected Commander that she was right up until she had died. When they finally let him see her almost a year after that he couldn't stop himself from getting a little emotional, she looked perfect, whole even. She was lying on the table with her hair fanned around her, tubes running under the sheet that covered and kept her alive but other than that she looked like she was sleeping. Miranda had reminded him that it was still going to be months before she was going to be awake, and there was no guarantee that she would be the same woman she was before she had died.

Miranda had told him that dying often changes people and there would be no way of knowing if she would remember how she had died, but if she did it would be very traumatic for her. Joker knew that no matter what they said that Kai Shepard would always be the woman that she was, something like dying wouldn't change her. He had asked to be left with her awhile and just sat next to her, watching her sleep and running his fingers through her hair.

Coming back to reality his eyes shifted to her hair which he noticed was loose and hanging around her shoulders in wet tendrils, it had grown a lot since then. Without meaning too he reached out and ran his fingers through it. Shepard jumped, snapped from her silent reflection over her coffee cup unaware of Joker's trip into his memories. "Oh sorry," Joker blushed. "I just noticed how long it is, you never wear it down."

Shepard looked down at the ends of her hair as Joker pulled his hand back. "It gets in the way of the scope of my rifle, when you only have one chance to make that shot it's not really a risk I'm willing to take." Shepard shrugged flicking her eyes to the elevator as a ding indicated that the crew had started to arrive. Looking back at Joker she reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. "Ready?"

"No," Joker went pale again, "what if they say no to the testing?"

"Let me handle it okay?" Shepard got up and started to greet the crew and find everyone a seat, Rupert was busy handing out coffee while Mordin prepared the data pads with all of the information on them. Once everyone had arrived Shepard walked to the front of the room, taking a deep breath she addressed the crowd.

"Good Morning everyone," a murmur of good mornings made their way back to her. "Joker and I had some exciting news today, but we need your help. As you all know Joker has Vroliks disease, which makes his bones very brittle." The crew nodded, clearly listening and wondering where this was all going

"Mordin has found a cure...possibly...but he needs a bone marrow donor for it to work. I have gathered you all here today to ask that you please submit yourself to testing, I would consider it a personal favor..." Shepard trailed off looking at Mordin, "Anything you need to add?"

"Yes. Donor will have to be a 100% match. Donor must be human. Test done by saliva. Bone marrow will be removed via surgery." the crew started to move around at this, showing their discomfort at the idea. Having your spit taken was one thing, but having surgery was another.

"Need I remind you," Shepard found herself leaning over the table speaking louder than she meant to, "that Joker has flown into dangerous situations time and time again to get our asses out of trouble even though he faces more danger than any of you combined should it go wrong. He never wavers, never hesitates to help any one of you if you need it." She glanced over at Joker, who was blushing and trying to hide under his hat. She smiled "and if any of you were in this situation Joker would be the first person to agree to testing, surgery or not," she sat down, heart pounding and hoping that her mini impassioned speech was enough to convince the crew this was right.

"I'll do it!" A female voice called out from the back of the crowd Shepard glanced up to see Kelly standing up and walking towards Mordin. "I like Joker, and we're a family on the Normandy, I'm glad to help our Commander and our Pilot any way that I can." Opening her mouth Mordin ran the swab along the inside of her cheek before handing it over to Dr. Chakwas who labeled it.

"That was it?" Kelly bounced on the spot, "no biggie!"

At Kelly's approval the rest of the human crew made a line in front of Mordin for testing.

"Well there ya go Doc," Shepard smiled at her crew. "how long does the test take?"

"3 minutes each test," he replied swabbing Engineer Daniels mouth before handing it to Dr. Chakwas.

"Well I'll leave you too it then, Garrus and Grunt can come with me to get Jack and you can update me when I get back," walking over to Joker she leaned down towards him, "there's at least 50 people here Joker, at least one of them has to match okay?"

Joker nodded, face still flaming red. "Thanks Commander."

"Have fun!" Shepard waved and loaded her shore party into the elevator. "I'll be back soon."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: My Beta rocks. Yay Alilypea! BTW I don't own Mass Effect or anything in it...just wish I did.**

Shepard winced as she walked down the hallway towards the med bay, they had retrieved Jack. Big surprise that Jack was a crazy FEMALE biotic, who knew with a name like Jack that it would be a woman. Shepard wondered if it was short for something, and made a mental note to ask when the biotic wasn't so angry about being on a Cerberus ship. Shepard craned her neck to look at the back of her shirt, the blood on her shirt had dried to a sickly brown color but the stabbing pain right next to her spine reminded her that the piece of metal from the exploding canister was still in her skin. Hopefully could get it out without any damage to her C5X implants that were making up for the pieces of her spine that hadn't been recovered. The door to the med bay opened and Dr. Chakwas was on her before she even got a chance to blink.

"Commander!" Dr. Chakwas had always been the mother that she never had, and she took this opportunity to nag her just like she thought she would, "you should have let me know that you were injured! You've been back for hours now why wasn't I told?"

Ushering her over to a table the Doctor quickly cut the wasted shirt off leaving Shepard sitting there wearing nothing but her under armor pants which looked pretty much like spandex leggings, and her sports bra not the most glamorous look but hey at least they matched.

"Sorry," Shepard moved to shrug but the sting of pain in her back stopped the action short "Miranda didn't give me a second to alert you before she was yelling at Jack about following procedure or something, and then I had to wipe down my armor before it rusted." Shepard winced as the doctor started to press on her wound.

gave Shepard the best 'I'm seriously disappointed in you' look she could muster before walking over to the cabinet to retrieve the medical supplies she would need to extra the metal.

"Are the results back in from the tests from the morning?" Shepard watched the doctor pause at the cabinet, mid reach for the medi-gel. Ah...bad news. "No one? Not one person on this ship matches?"

Dr. Chakwas shook her head. "I'm afraid not commander, the metal in Joker's legs that help ease the strain on his bones has changed his body chemistry slightly, making it very hard to find a match."

"How'd Joker take the news?" Shepard could imagine the disappointment

"Not well I'm afraid, he's been locked in the cockpit all day, he won't let anyone in and he has overridden the door. I've tried to get him to come out but he won't even answer me. EDI refuses to open the door for me; I don't have the proper clearance she says."

"No problem, I'll swing by after you're done," Shepard heard the sound of a bit of metal hitting a tray and sighed as the doctor started putting medi-gel on the wound. It's soothing effect immediately noticeable.

"Wait a minute, I wasn't tested," Shepard looked over her shoulder who had stopped wrapping the bandage around her waist. "Problem?"

"Well yes commander, Mordin and I decided that it would be best if you weren't tested," resuming the wrapping the Doctor looked fixed at the table, as if reading herself for an argument, "given that your C5X implants make you immune to most pain medications we thought that the surgery would be too traumatic for you."

"Test me," Shepard caught the eye of the Doctor as she looked up in surprise, "the only person who can make that call is me."

"If you're sure Commander," Chakwas grabbed a swab. "Open wide, I assume you will want to wait here for the results?" Shepard nodded, unable to speak with the offending swab in her mouth

"You know," The doctor looked up at her before placing the swab in a little machine with a lot of lights that Shepard didn't recognize "You're going to have to tell him about your feelings for him sometime, you can't just leave it to him to figure it out."

"I know," Shepard looked down at her feet, swinging them back and forth. "I just don't know if I'm ready to be shot down just yet."

"What makes you so sure that you're going to be shot down? Joker admires you, respects you and more often than not does nothing to hide his….admiration of your assets." Chakwas grinned at the blush creeping up the Commanders face. She couldn't help but think that this crush was something deeper than a passing phase and it was nice to see the Commander act like, well a woman.

"That's just Joker though," Shepard sighed. "He views me as a friend, nothing more. He's kinda a perv too," shrugging her shoulders Shepard looked at the Doctor. "He looks at everyone's "assets". You should see him around Miranda."

The machine on the counter let out a ding that caused Shepard to jump, a long piece of paper came out and the Doctor quickly read the response shaking her head. Shepard's shoulders slumped forwards.

"Well, it was worth a shot. I better go let him know."

"Commander wait," Chakwas looked up from the paper "It was positive, you are a match. I was shaking my head because of the slim chances that you of all people would be the match."

"What?" Shepard snatched the paper and looked at it only to be met with a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo that she didn't understand. "Really? Oh man I have to tell him!"

Bouncing out of the med bay she shouted over her shoulder, "thanks for patching me up Doc!" totally missing the Doctor shaking her head.

Grabbing two beers from the fridge Shepard made her way to the elevator, practically skipping with excitement. She was a match, and she could finally help him get better. No more flying all over space for "test trials" of new meds that caused Joker all kinds of terrible side effects. Maybe when he was well she could actually take him on missions, if he wanted. He could be a fully functioning solider.

The CIC was empty, and down the hall the unwelcoming red holo of a locked door stared back at her. Making her way to the cockpit she started to think of a plan to get Joker to open the door.

"EDI," Shepard looked at the ceiling

"Yes Commander Shepard?" The reply came from nowhere, it was really annoying when she didn't have the blue ball to direct her gaze at.

"Turn the intercom on between here and the cockpit please." Tapping her feet she knew this would be a challenge.

"Ready."

"Joker, open the door," Shepard leaned against the wall next to the door

"No," the reply was short, and she could tell by his tone that he was really not doing well.

"Well Joker," Shepard grinned at herself, she was going to have some fun. "The way I see it is you can either open the door and let me in, or I can override the circuits and make it so your door doesn't close at all."

"You wouldn't…" She could hear the unease in his voice, he knew she would

"Oh yes I would, it's a Cerberus ship…I'm okay with breaking things." the holo flashed a yellow and then green as the door unlocked. Pressing her key code into the keypad she watched it spin before opening.

"EDI!" Joker shouted at the blue ball beside him "You let me down!"

"I'm sorry Joker, I couldn't risk damage to the ship." The blue ball disappeared, not wanting further argument.

Walking up to Joker's chair she looked down at him, he was looking hard at the holo in front of him, not looking at her.

"Hey," she said placing a hand on his shoulder which was quickly shaken off, "hey now, don't get mad at me or the crew. It's not their fault they don't match, they all tried to help."

Handing him the beer she sat on the floor next to him not looking up. The silence stretched for a long time between them before he trusted his voice to say anything.

"You said there would be a match…" Joker cursed under his breath at how much his voice wavered with his anguish. It wasn't her fault; he just wanted to take it out on someone. Have somewhere that he could direct his anger that wasn't himself.

"Yes," Shepard looked at him, his eyes were red and swollen. He must have been crying. He still hadn't looked away from the screen in front of him even though he wasn't actually working on anything. "And there is."

"What?" he glanced at her now noticing much to his embarrassment that she wasn't wearing much, her toned body was barely covered by the under armor that she was wearing, and he noticed the large bandage wrapped around her midsection. "Are you hurt?" feeling guilty that he didn't let her in sooner when she probably needed to sit after today's mission. He looked her over noticing something he had never seen before. "Wait, is that a tattoo?"

Shepard glanced over her shoulder at her back, she must have never shown him the large wings that spread down her back she smiled and looked up at him.

"I just told you that there is a donor for your bone marrow and you're asking about my tattoo?" she chuckled. "Got your priorities a bit mixed up there Hun."

"You mean there actually is a match, as in you've found one or you mean there is one somewhere out there," he gestured towards the window and the stars beyond it.

"I've found one." She smiled at him taking a sip of her beer and drawing out the good news as long as possible.

"Dammit woman, don't keep me waiting. WHO?"

"Me." She watched Joker's expression as the news settled in. He seemed to be taking the news in slowly, just staring at her.

"You…?" Joker pointed at her.

"Yep, me." Shepard looked at the window smiling.

"This is actually going to happen?" Shepard nodded. "And you have a huge freakin' tattoo on your back" Shepard nodded again laughing.

"Chakwas and Mordin are just gathering the supplies needed and then the surgery is a go." Shepard stood up, stretching out her injured back "I just have to heal this first, although I'm sure with all of my upgrades it's probably not looking so bad now."

Shepard tried to reach the edge of the bandage but Chakwas had placed it right where should couldn't reach.

"Little help?" Shepard backed up towards Joker pointing at the edge of the bandage. "This thing is so itchy, and then you can get a better look at my ink."

Reaching up Joker hoping that Shepard wouldn't notice that his hands were shaking, having Vroliks he didn't have much…who was he kidding…any experience undressing women. While removing a bandage wasn't exactly sexy, this was the closest he had ever been to Shepard in any state of undress. Slowly unwrapping the bandage he let it fall to the floor and sat back in his chair to get a better look at the piece of art that covered her back. The wings were partially obstructed by the sports bra on but he could see that they took up most of her back. They were black and grey with a few highlights of blue throughout them, coming out from her shoulder blades they followed her form before disappearing into the spandex leggings she wore. In between them was an angry red line, which is what he assumed she was all wrapped up for and four bright yellow lights running down her spine. They didn't seem to be evenly spaced out and he wasn't sure what they were, upon closer inspection he saw that the lights actually sat underneath her skin.

"They're beautiful," Joker tried to implant the image to memory. "How far down do they go?" Reaching a hand out he traced a finger down the hollow of her spine and he watched as her skin came up with goose bumps and she shuddered.

"Sorry," laughing uncomfortably she turned around, "it's been a long time since anyone who wasn't a doctor as touched me. How far does what go down, my tattoo or my C5X implants?"

"I was talking about your tattoo, but what the hell are C5X implants?"

"Well, when my body was recovered it was very… damaged," Shepard shrugged trying to play the sensitive topic off, "the armor I was wearing was not designed to survive entry to a planet's atmosphere. So parts of me were…missing."

Shepard sat on the floor next to him before continuing, "So when they started to rebuild me I was missing parts of my spine, the C5X implants fill in the parts that I was missing."

Joker stared at her in shock, just how much did Cerberus do to her to get her up and running again? He had to snap back to reality when he realized that she was still talking. "As for my tattoo, maybe one day I'll show you just how far it goes." Shepard got up and turned towards the door.

"Sleep up Joker, surgery will be soon and you'll need your energy." Turning to walk back to the elevator she heard Joker limping behind her, turning around she was immediately surrounded by him, as he pulled her into a bone crushing (at least for him) hug. Taking a second to react she latched her arms around his waist breathing him in.

He buried his face into her hair. "Thank you Kai," her heart did another backflip. "First you save my life, and now you're giving me a chance to have a normal one. I don't know what I did to deserve you but I'm…" he stumbled over his words, trying not to give away his true feelings, "…overwhelmed I guess."

Shepard reluctantly broke the hug to look at him, "Joker, you have stood by me through thick and thin." She grabbed his hand feeling how smooth it was compared to the calluses that decorated her own. "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Joker chuckled. "Well Commander," he saw her wince at her title, causing all kinds of questions in his mind. "That could be interpreted in a lot of different ways ya know." He winked at her.

Shepard turned to walk the rest of the way to the elevator, gently dropping his hand. Joker turned and started to make his way back to the cockpit.

"Hey Joker," he turned at her call, "maybe I meant it that way." With a wave she backed into the elevator and left a very stunned Joker staring at the door as it closed behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Alilypea rocks as Beta, just sayin'. I don't own Mass Effect either...but that makes me sad.

Shepard stumbled in to her quarters, the weight of her exhaustion hitting her. Looking down at the white stains of stale sweat on her under armor she decided that a shower really couldn't wait until morning. Turning the water on to give it a chance to heat up she started to peel the tight fitting clothing off. Stepping into the hot water Shepard let the water drum a comfortable rhythm on her back, even though she had been "awake" for a few months now the C5X implants still gave her an uncomfortable tight feeling down her back. Shepard felt a pool of heat rest between her legs at the thought of Joker running his finger down her spine, it had been so gentle but it had certainly awakened her libido.

Shepard thought about her comment to Joker earlier, when was the last time someone who wasn't a doctor touched her? She tried to think, realizing that it was Kaiden and if you counted the two years that she had been dead that made for one hell of a dry spell. Unless she could get some courage up to talk to Joker it looked like it was going to last awhile longer too. Sighing Shepard shut off the water and reached for her bathrobe, deciding that she had enough excitement for one day she headed out of the bathroom and towards the comfort of her bed shuffling the pillows she carefully laid down, minding the sore spot on her back. Tomorrow she would talk with the good doctors about Joker's surgery and look into what kind of downtime there would be, maybe they could dry dock at Omega and give the crew some shore leave. Closing her eyes Shepard laid back into the soft pillows and closed her eyes, she could wait for tomorrow.

"Commander," EDI's blue orb appeared in the corner of her room. "Joker requests entry into your quarters."

Sitting up quickly Shepard tightly tied the belt of her robe around her waist, "just a second EDI…"

Walking over to the door Shepard steadied herself, why would Joker come up to her room? He had never come up here before. Pressing the release the door slid open to reveal Joker with a look in his eyes that Shepard had never seen before, it burned like a fire.

"Joker, what are you-" She was cut off by a pair of lips pressing hard against her own. She felt his weight pushing her backwards until she was pressed against the cool glass of the fish tanks. A gasp escaped her lips as a she felt him slowly untying the belt that held her robe closed and he took the advantage and slid his tongue against her bottom lip into her mouth, asking without words to deepen the kiss.

Taking only a second to regain her focus Shepard pressed back with her own tongue, gently biting down on his bottom lip. A shudder escaped her as he moved his mouth to her neck, his lips placing hot wet kisses followed by light scrapes of his teeth.

"Shit Jeff don't stop," She squeezed his arms and a growl escaped his throat. Reaching a hand into her robe he cupped her breast, a thumb brushing over the erect nipple it found. Shepard reached down to pull his shirt out of his pants, making quick work of the button and fly of his uniform she slid her hand down to wrap around his length.

"Commander," he groaned into her neck

Shepard bolted up in her bed, momentarily confused.

"Commander," the voice came again looking around her room and finding herself alone she arched an eyebrow.

"Jeff?" Shepard looked into the dark room. "Where are you?"

"I'm Jeff now?" There was a chuckle, "I'm in the cockpit, where I always am. I'm on the intercom, just wanted to let you know that the Illusive man wants to talk to you. I have him set up on the vid-com in the briefing room."

Shit, it was a dream.

"Ok Joker, I'm up and moving." Shepard started looking in her closet for something to wear, settling on a pair of casual black linen pants and a black tank top to go along with it. Quickly tossing her hair up in a ponytail she heard Joker's voice again.

"Damn, demoted back to Joker eh? I was Jeff a second ago."

"I thought you preferred Joker?" Shepard directed the question to EDIs blue orb.

"I do," Joker paused "but I don't mind if you call me Jeff."

Shepard smiled, "I think I'll stick with Joker, it suits you. Besides you never call me Kai."

"I wasn't aware I was allowed too," she could tell by his tone that he was smiling.

"You can call me whatever you want Joker." Shepard pressed the green holo pad to open her door.

"Sure thing Sugar Lips," Joker was all out laughing now.

"Anything but that," Shepard chuckled, "off to speak to the Illusive man now, I'll swing by when I know what the high and mighty prick wants."

Shepard nodded her greeting to Mordin on her way into the briefing room pressing the button to open the communication signal. Within seconds the Illusive man appeared before her, sitting in his chair and taking a long drag off of his cigarette.

"Shepard. I think we have them! Horizon- one of our colonies in the Terminus system just went silent. If it isn't under attack it soon will be. Has Mordin delivered the counter measures for the seeker swarms?"

"Not yet," Shepard crossed her arms.

"Let's hope he works well under pressure. There's something else you should know," he paused to take another drag off of his cigarette "one of you former crew, Kaiden Alenko - he's stationed on Horizon."

"Last I heard Kaiden was Alliance. Why is he out in the Terminus systems?"

"Officially, it's an outreach program to improve Alliance relations with the colonies. But they're up to something and if they sent Alenko it must be big. Perhaps you should take it up with him?"

"Send the coordinates and we'll head straight there." Shepard turned to leave.

"Already sent, this is the most warning we've ever had Shepard. Good luck." The Illusive man's communication cut off.

After making a quick stop in with Mordin to make sure that the counter measure was done she headed towards to cockpit to let Joker in on the days plan.

"Hey," Shepard leaned against the wall behind Joker's chair. "Can you set a course for Horizon?"

"Sure thing Commander," Joker imported the coordinates from the Illusive man and spun his chair around to face Shepard, "you look nice, it's nice to see you in something other than armor."

Shepard dropped her chin to her chest, trying to hide her blush.

"That shade of red suits you too," Joker laughed, "you do look pretty, and jeeze Shepard since when do you blush?"

"Well it's not like I get a lot of male attention Joker," Shepard looked up when she felt the heat leave her face, trying and failing to give Joker a stern look at his grin. "Kaiden was the last guy that even looked at me."

Joker's smile wavered "Right, Kaiden. I heard he was on Horizon, maybe you guys can have a nice reunion or something." Jokers chair spun around to face the console again.

"Hey," Shepard walked over to his chair, crouching down so she was face level with him. "I thought that you liked Kaiden? Did something happen while I was out?"

"No," Joker shook his head. "I haven't even heard from him since your funeral."

"My what?" Shepard arched her eyebrow.

"Funeral, all the crew got together and we had a funeral for you," Joker looked at her with sad eyes "it pretty much sucked. Kaiden didn't talk at all through the entire thing, Garrus and Wrex were drunk through the entire thing, Tali and Liara cried their eyes out, Admiral Anderson talked about how you were like a daughter to him and he was going to miss you…" Joker trailed off, "and then at the end Kaiden came up to me and told me that if I hadn't been such a stubborn prick I would have evacuated the Normandy when you had placed the order, you would have never had to save me and you would still be alive. Then he just walked off, and like I said I haven't spoken to him since."

"Joker…" Shepard started but was quickly cut off by Joker.

"No, don't," he raised his hand, "don't try and take the blame from me on this, I know it was my fault that you died, and I've lived with that since it happened."

"Sorry I'm just confused." Shepard looked out the window.

"About what?" Joker looked at her.

"When you fired the gigantic gun from the huge fucking Collector ship, because last time I checked I'm pretty sure that's what killed me. Not helping you to an escape pod," she looked down at him with angry eyes. "And Kaiden was being a prick, and I'm sure he forgot to mention that he ran up to me to tell me that you were refusing to leave, and that he had refused to leave as well. I had to shout at him to get him to leave the ship and help the rest of the crew evacuate." Shepard paused for breath. "And me saving you was MY choice, you hear me? MINE. I would do it again too."

"Why?" the question almost knocked Shepard off her feet.

"Joker," She rubbed her face in frustration. "I'm not sure if this is the time for this conversation."

"Then when? Shepard I need to know!" Joker pleaded, grabbing both of her hands in his. "Please."

"Because…because I couldn't bear the thought of a universe that didn't have you in it!" Shepard pulled her hands away, wrapping her arms around herself in a guarded stance. "I'd rather be dead myself and know that you were okay than live knowing that I could have saved you and didn't."

Joker sat in stunned silence, Shepard looked into the green eyes that searched her face. "Kaiden is an asshole Joker, and he had no idea what he was talking about. If anything he was probably just jealous that I was willing to die for you…" Shepard signed. "I have to go and get ready for this mission, if you really want to talk about this it's going to have to wait until I get back from Horizon, I'm not going to let these Colonists get abducted by the Collectors while we sit around and talk about this."

Turning around Shepard walked to the armory, the time for talk was over and she was ready to kick some Collector ass.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thank you to those who have sent me supportive reviews, I'm sorry that I have dropped off the map a bit, after receiving some rather negative reviews I couldn't decide if this was something I was going to continue. To those who feel the need to nitpick every tiny detail of my story, we're talking about a world where we can bring someone back from the dead but we can't cure a brittle bone disorder? So I'm sorry to all those "Doctors" reading my fic and yelling at their screens that a bone marrow transplant wouldn't work with Joker's illness. But as far as I can see it's just as likely as being helped by a Salarian doctor on a gigantic ship in the middle of space in the first place. Work with me here guys. As always I don't own Mass Effect or anything within its awesome fandom. And a big shout out to Alilypea for being an awesome beta. So now we have that out of the way here is Chapter 5, and I hope to have another up as soon as I can get back into the flow of this story…

Horizon had been a mess, husks, Collectors, and a very pissed off Kaiden Alenko calling her a traitor for being with Cerberus. Mix that in with the disappointment of a sexy dream with a man that didn't want her, an emotionally charged conversation that she hadn't been ready for and Shepard was ready to say that this day had straight up sucked the life out of her. Walking through the airlock and making a sharp right she hoped that she would be able to avoid Joker and any questions that he may have from this morning. She was just going to go up to her room, shower and get drunk off that bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy she had bought for Dr. Chakwas. She had been debriefed by the Illusive man on the shuttle after Horizon, and now that they were sure that the Reapers were behind the Collector attacks the shear enormity of her mission weighed heavily on her.

"Commander," Joker caught her before she was even two steps down the hall, "can we talk?"

Shepard didn't turn around to address him. "Not now Joker, I have just had a royally shitty day and I don't think I can handle feeling anything else."

"Can I help?" he sounded nervous. She turned around to see him hunched against the doorway. He looked small, defeated and like he very much needed to talk to someone.

Shepard sighed. "Fine, but I'm planning on drinking and I'm not sure I have enough to share, so this is going to be a BYOB kinda deal. Give me a half hour to shower and come up to my cabin."

Joker's mouth opened in surprise. "Your cabin?"

Shepard nodded. "Where else were we going to hang out, the cockpit? I don't mind coming down to visit you there but in case you haven't noticed you're the only one in there with a chair, and after today I need to sit down."

"Oh, okay…sounds like fun." Joker tried a grin. "I'll be up in a half hour."

With a nod Shepard turned toward the elevator and was out of sight. Limping back to his chair he swore under his breath. "Shit, her cabin? Shit."

"Is there a problem Joker?" EDI's blue orb flashed at him.

"Yes, no…Shepard just invited me up to her cabin." He sighed, slumping forward. "I have no idea what to do."

"I do not understand, I thought that you had a romantic interest in the Commander. Does this not give you a chance at physical intimacy?"

"SHHHH!" Joker waved his hands at the AI. "Do you want everyone on board to know? Yes, I have feelings for the Commander, but it's not that simple. We've been friends for years; you don't just jump into a physical relationship after years of being friends with someone. Besides with my Vroliks…"Joker looked down at his thin legs and could picture the lattice work of scars from failed surgery that crossed over his skin. "I don't think I could even be physical right now, I'd break."

"Commander Shepard is very strong Joker," EDI pulsed back at him "according to my research she is the person you would be the most likely to have a successful physical relationship with."

"Tell her that, she doesn't even look at me that way."

"Preparing the memo now."

"What? No! That's a figure of speech! Don't send her a memo! Abort, abort!" Joker started frantically poking buttons at the bottom of EDIs console.

"That was a joke Joker," the blue orb mocked him. "A half hour has almost passed, you will be late for your meeting if you don't leave now."

Joker stood, adjusting his hat. "Right, you may want to let the Commander know that I may be a few minutes late anyway. I need to stop by the mess hall."

"Joker, may I suggest you take the Commander flowers, studies on human females suggest they help to relieve stress."

"Where am I going to find flowers on the Normandy?" Joker looked at EDI. "And why are you researching human relationships?"

"I thought I may be of some assistance to you, and Kasumi often has roses in her cabin perhaps you could ask her?"

"Right, uh thanks EDI."

Limping towards the elevator Joker was glad to avoid too many questioning glances, making a quick stop at the mess hall fridge he pulled out a bottle of wine and headed towards Kasumi's door.

"Kasumi," Joker knocked gently. "You in there?"

The door slid open to reveal the small thief. "Hey Joker, don't often see you down from your chair, what can I do for you?" Kasumi took a step back to allow him to walk in.

"EDI mentioned that you might have flowers." Joker looked around at all the strange pieces of art that covered Kasumi's walls; it was so decorated you almost forgot it was a ship.

"I do indeed," Kasumi walked over to a vase on her desk that Joker had missed in his observations and she pulled out six red roses. "Have you finally decided to tell our daring Commander that you have feelings for her?" Kasumi trimmed the ends of the flowers before locating a small crystal vase on one of her bookcases, filling it with water she placed the roses in it and passed it to Joker.

"How did you-"

"Please," Kasumi patted him on the shoulder. "I'm a master thief, and you don't get as good as me without knowing things about people." She started to lead him back towards the door. "I think you're good for her Joker, now go before you're late for your date." With a gentle push he was out of Kasumi's cabin looking at a closed door.

"Women." Joker shrugged and headed towards the elevator, roses and wine in hand. Pressing the key for the first floor he waited for the slow elevator to make its journey.

Shepard was catching up on her personal messages when EDI's glow caught her attention.

"Joker is requesting entry Commander."

"Thank you EDI, could you please give us the room, and just leave emergency contact channels open?"

"Of course, logging you out Shepard." The orb was gone.

Walking towards her door Shepard gave her cabin one last look over, it was neat and tidy as usual. The empty fish tanks were kind of strange she would be the first to admit but who had time to remember to feed fish when you were busy shooting things? Opening the door she couldn't help but smile at the sight before her.

Joker quickly thrust the wine and roses at her. "Uh here, I thought these may make your day better."

Taking the offered gifts Shepard brought the roses to her nose, it had been years since she had smelt a flower and the familiar musk washed over her senses leaving her feeling a little less stressed.

"Thank you Joker, come in and make yourself at home." Shepard placed the roses on her desk next to her computer. "Let me find some glasses."

Joker limped into the Commander's quarters and looked around. Fish tanks took up most of the left wall, the right side had a small room with her computer and a small fridge as well as a door that he assumed lead into her bathroom. There was a small set of stairs that he took carefully, a large T.V. took up most of the wall in front of the bed, and a large amount of movie data disks were stacked up underneath it. Taking a seat on the corner couch he looked at Shepard as she walked over to join him.

"Nice digs," Joker took the glass that was offered to him. "Maybe I should become Commander so I can get a private bathroom."

"Oh yeah, that perk alone is worth all the being shot at." Shepard laughed before taking a sip of her wine. "So what's up? You looked like you needed to talk downstairs."

"I was more worried about you to be honest," Joker looked at her with concern in his eyes. "I heard Kaiden was a real dick today…sorry…that came out wrong."

"No," Shepard shook her head. "That came out just about right. I don't know why I thought that he would ever join our crew; he was always the Alliance golden boy. He even tried to guilt me for not getting in touch with him sooner." Finishing her wine she got up to grab the bottle for a refill. "I mean really, what kind of dick gets mad at someone for dying?"

"He's just confused," Joker looked at her feet, noticing to his surprise that she was barefoot; he had always seen her wearing boots. His eyes traveled up the length of her body, she was wearing the same pants from this morning, and the black linen looked incredibly soft and hugged her hips, and showed the feminine curve to her shape. She had changed her shirt to a loose off the shoulder long sleeve shirt, also black and her hair was in a loose ponytail. He thought that she looked beautiful when she was causal, strong but feminine. Looking up quickly when he realized that he had probably been quiet too long he struggled to remember what he was talking about. "I'm sure he'll come back to his senses and come back to the crew. It may just take some time."

"I don't want him back," she walked back to the couch and sat next to him, stretching her legs out in front of her with a wince. "If he's going to constantly question my motives I don't need him around."

"Sore?" Joker noticed.

"Yeah, running around in armor all day, with really uncomfortable shoes gets to you. Which is why I'm barefoot in case you were wondering when you were checking me out." She winked at him.

Joker blushed, "want a massage?"

"What?" Shepard looked at him inquisitively. "A massage? You're offering to give me a massage?"

"Sure," Joker reached down and pulled her feet into his lap, carefully setting his wine glass on the floor. "I've spent so much time in muscle rehab I'm a pro." He rubbed his hands together to warm them up before taking her right foot into his hand and running his thumb smoothly up the arch of her foot, earning him a moan.

"Oh my god Joker, that feels awesome." Resting farther back onto the arm of the couch she smiled at him. "Why did you not tell me you were the massage master?"

"You never asked." Joker shifted her feet a little closer to his knees so she wouldn't notice the affect her appreciative moans were having on his body.

"If you keep that up I may keep you in here permanently." She wiggled her toes in his hands, most of her discomfort gone.

"Is that a promise?" Joker laughed, "I think I could handle being the sexy Commander Shepard's personal masseuse."

"You think I'm sexy?" Shepard looked at her wine glass trying to look casual about the question.

"I think every guy on this ship thinks you're sexy Shepard." Joker ran his hands along the top of her feet and started to rub her ankles gently.

"I wasn't asking about the other guys, I don't really care what they think. I was asking about you." Shepard looked at him now, waiting for his answer.

"Very," he slid his hand under her pants running down her shin, challenging his boundaries. "I think you're very sexy." His face flamed red at the confession.

Shepard smiled at him. "I'm glad, you're pretty sexy yourself Mr. Moreau." Winking at him earning a laugh.

"Yeah right, the women are just landing at my feet. Can't you see the line?" Joker gestured around the room.

"Well, I'm right here." Shepard smiled at him.

"Yeah, but it's not like you look at me that way." He looked back at her legs, resuming the massage.

"Says who?"

Joker paused at this looking her in the eye, "What?"

"Who said I wasn't interested in you?" Shepard didn't let her gaze waver.

"Well, no one, I just assumed I guess that you were so busy saving the world and all that you wouldn't give a guy like me a passing look." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"A guy like you?" Shepard cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

Joker waved towards his legs, "I'm not really macho man over here, and I figured you would want someone more…stable, strong…you know a real man's man?"

"You are a man's man Joker, and all the problems you see with yourself are only problems to you." Shepard paused, readying herself for her next confession. "I've…had feelings for you for ages, I guess years if you count the two that I was gone for."

Joker went to interrupt her but Shepard raised her hands, "No, you listen." Joker sat back against the couch, massage forgotten but his hands stayed on Shepard's skin.

"I've always seen you as a fully able person. You're brave and kind, you've never turned your back on me even when others have, even when it may be the easier thing to do. You're sexy as hell, and I love your body just the way that it is." Shepard winked at him again, earning her a blush. "I figured one day you would figure out that you were special to me and maybe see me more as your friend, more than your Commander." She sighed rubbing her face. "Shit Joker, I'm really bad at this. If you want to walk out right now and pretend we never had this conversation I'll understand."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Joker's voice was quiet.

"I kinda thought that saving you from the old Normandy would clue you in to be honest." Shepard looked down.

"It clued me into something," Joker nodded. "That life without you is…terrible. That I don't feel complete if you aren't around me blowing something up."

"What are you saying?" Shepard pulled her legs off his lap and tucked them under her, leaning towards him.

"I guess, that I…what I mean to say is that…"Joker stumbled over his words before taking a deep breath and continuing. "I'm in love with you." He looked back at her, "I have been, for years…"

He watched as Shepard shifted closer to him, stopping inches from his face. "Say it again?"

Joker cleared his throat and shifted back at the sudden invasion of his personal space. "Um, I love you?"

Shepard smiled before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on Jokers lips "again?"

"I love you," he murmured against her mouth "I love you, I love you, I love you." He moved in to kiss her now, reaching back to play with her ponytail. "You know," he pulled back slightly. "You haven't said it back…"

Shepard laughed and grabbed his hat, placing it on her head before pulling back to look him in the eye. "I love you too, very much."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the positive words over the past few days, it has encouraged me to continue with the story. I'm going to try and do a chapter every couple of days depending on when I can get the time to write and my lovely beta Alilypea can get the chance to check my terrible grammar and spelling over. As always, I don't own Mass Effect….I wish.**

Joker smiled against Shepard's mouth before moving in to kiss her deeply, gently running his tongue along her bottom lip to encourage her to deepen the kiss. Slowly running his hands up her back he noticed a hot spot on her spine and traced it with his finger causing Shepard to hiss. He quickly pulled his hand back. "Sorry, does that hurt?"

"A little," Shepard pulled back to sit down. "I have C5X implants right now, which are considered outdated. They put a lot of heat strain on the skin around them, and the battery is prone to dying which is a pain to replace. Dr. Chakwas is currently waiting for my C6X implants to arrive Illium; once they get here I'll be having them changed over."

"Crazy, you're like half robot. That's pretty hot." Joker smiled at her. "So you love me eh? Where does this put us now?"

"Well, where do you want us to be?" Shepard turned to rest her head against his shoulder.

Taking one of her hands in his own he laced their fingers together, "I'd like us to be on a beach somewhere, toes in the sand relaxing...however considering we apparently have a war to win I'll settle being on the Normandy. I don't care where we are Kai, so long as we're together." He rested his head against hers, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"So," Shepard ran her hand across his stomach pulling him into a sideways hug. "Together?"

Joker nodded, "together."

"Shit," Shepard laughed.

"What's wrong?"

"I guess I owe Garrus 50 credits, he bet me that you had feelings for me."

"Well that's not really a fair bet; I told him that I did at your funeral. He had inside information, though I'm surprised that he remembered given how drunk he was."

Shepard winced, "that bad huh?" Joker nodded against her head. "I really didn't plan on it happening that way, I was planning on holding on to the ship long enough to see if you got away okay, and then pressing the emergency beacon in my suit for the Alliance to be able to track me down. I kind of bounced against the ship though, which must have been what busted my oxygen line."

"So you remember it?" Joker's fingers traced lazy patterns against her palm.

"Yep, pretty clearly. Why do you ask?"

"When I first met Miranda when she was rebuilding you, she told me that when someone died it changed them. She was concerned that you would remember dying and be a different person because of it. I told her that she was wrong, but she's pretty confident that she knows everything, and she was usually armed so I didn't want to disagree with her too much."

"Well, I have nightmares but that's about the only thing that I can say has changed. Unless you count the fact that I'm 50% cybernetic now." Shepard shrugged, "things will only affect you as much as you let them I guess. I have a job to do and I don't have time to dwell on what happened. I'm back now; I've got to make the best of the situation."

"Makes sense." Joker smiled as Shepard yawned against him. "Okay, you need to sleep I should go."

"You can stay," Shepard tightened her arm around his waist, and looked up at his face. "I have a big bed." Joker shifted, an uneasy look crossing his face. "Problem?"

"I've uh...never slept in the same bed as someone before; if they kick it could mean a broken shin or something of the like for me. Do you move a lot when you're asleep?" Joker flushed at the confession.

Shepard thought about it for a minute, "You know I'm not really sure I haven't shared my bed with anyone since I enlisted with the Alliance."

A flicker of blue light in the corner of her room drew Shepard's attention away from Joker.

"You shift positions on average 3 times a night, never moving more than 4 inches in any direction Commander."

"EDI, are you eavesdropping on us?" Shepard couldn't hide the amusement in her voice.

"No Commander, I just thought that I may be of assistance. My information indicates that you should be able to share a bed without any injury."

Shepard sat up straight and stretched her arms over her head, "thanks EDI." Turning to Joker she smiled "it's up to you."

Joker looked down, thinking about it for a minute. "What the hell, life's too short to worry about it."

Shepard beamed at him and Joker felt his heart go into overdrive, "sounds good, I'm just going to go and change into some PJs and I'll be right back." Walking over to her dresser she pulled out a tank top and some shorts. "Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right back."

Joker stood up and made quick work of his clothes leaving only his boxers on he slid into the bed, while he knew that she wouldn't be one to judge him but he wasn't sure if he was ready for her to see him mostly undressed just yet, all the scars from the surgeries that he had making him feel a little uneasy. Hearing the washroom door open and Shepard talking to someone he called out, "Kai? Who you talking too?"

Shepard held up a finger as she walked towards the bed, her Omni tool lit up and one hand to her ear. Joker looked her over as she walked towards him she was built solid that's for sure. Her muscles rippled in a way that made her look predatory, even when she wasn't doing anything aggressive, feeling a little foolish at being self-conscious about his scars, there were light pink lines traced up and down all the skin that he could see on Shepard. He drew his attention to her face and she walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down, "right, sounds good Doctor. We'll be down there around 10. You have a good night as well."

Turning off her Omni tool, and leaning over to place it on her bedside table Joker noticed a dark mark peeking out from underneath the bottom of her shorts.

"Hey, what's that?" Joker brushed his hand against it; Shepard turned her head to see what he was talking about.

"That's the bottom of my tattoo." Shepard reached for the bottom of her shorts pulling them up an inch to show the detail of the feather.

"Well...that's about the hottest thing I've ever seen. Which Doctor were you talking to?" he watched her slide her legs under the blanket, and held out an arm for her to rest against his bare chest.

"Both of them, Dr. Chakwas want us in the med bay tomorrow morning around 10 to go over the details of the surgery." Shepard ran her hand across his chest gently playing with the light hair she found there. "You're fuzzy."

Joker laughed, "Yeah, a bit. So, do we have a date for the big day?"

"Not yet, I guess we'll figure it out in the morning." Shepard yawned again. "I'm ready to pass out, good night Jeff."

Joker kissed the top of her hair, "Good night Kai." Closing his eyes he felt the familiar pull of sleep and drifted off.

_Joker found himself sitting at a table in the middle of a grey room, 'hm, must be dreaming,' looking around he heard a door open behind him, and footsteps approaching. The person who entered sat in the chair across from him and Joker found himself looking into the face of Kaiden Alenko._

_"Great," Joker groaned. "Just who I wanted to see today."_

_"Unbelievable," Kaiden's low voice sounded like a growl and filled the room. "You sit here with an attitude like that after getting Shepard killed."_

_"I didn't..." Joker trailed off, confused. "She's back now, she's okay..."_

_"What are you talking about?" Kaiden let out an angry bark of laughter. "Another one of your dreams? You can't bring someone back from the dead Joker; you watched her die, suffocate because of your stubborn ego. She went through a hostile planet's atmosphere; most shuttles wouldn't survive that never mind a woman in N7 armor."_

_Joker choked, "No, she's back. This is the dream, she's in my arms right now..."_

_"Really?" Kaiden glared at him. "Then wake up."_

_Joker frantically looked around the room for the door that Kaiden had just come through, not seeing it panic set in. Grabbing the flesh of his arm between two fingers he pinched hard and winced at the pain. "What the..."_

_"I told you that you were dreaming about Shepard being back; could you imagine who would have the technology to do that?"_

_"Cerberus..." Joker glanced up. "Cerberus could do it."_

_Kaiden laughed, "Cerberus? Would the Commander Shepard you know ever work for Cerberus?"_

_Joker was uncertain. "No...She wouldn't," he looked down and felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes. "I guess you're right, I killed her."_

_"Look at me Joker." Kaiden was leaning across the table; Joker couldn't bring himself to look up. "Joker!" his voice sounded different, higher. Glancing up he saw the room disappear._

_"Joker, wake up." Great, now he really was crazy. He could hear the voice of his dead commander; he flinched when he felt something run across his face. "Joker?"_

Opening his eyes he felt relief wash over him when he saw Shepard leaning over him, her hair knotted from sleep and a concerned look on her face. Even waking up first thing in the morning he had never seen something more beautiful.

"Joker?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

He reached up and cupped her face in his hand. "I'm fine, just a bad dream. I'm glad to see you though."

"You're crying," Shepard frowned and brushed a tear off of his face. "What did you dream about?"

Joker closed his eyes against the memories, "I…lost you…and it was my fault." Opening his eyes again he saw her smile sadly at him.

"You did lose me," she nodded. "I'm back now though and I'm not planning on going anywhere, and it was never your fault."

Leaning down she placed a gentle kiss against his lips, he smiled and ran his hands through her hair, pulling her down against him he kissed her nose and the worry line that was between her eyebrows before making his way back to her lips. Shepard let out a little moan and he felt himself stiffen immediately.

"Mr. Moreau," her voice was low and practically purring as he kissed down her neck "you're going to make us late for the doctor's appointment if you keep this up."

"That's okay, it's not that important," he bit down on her collarbone lightly and Shepard gasped in response.

"It is that important," Shepard rested her hands on his chest gently pushing herself back. "You've been waiting for this for years. Besides, you haven't even taken me on a date yet, what kind of girl do you take me for?" Shepard laughed at Jokers expression. "Don't answer that."

Joker chuckled, "I wasn't going to say anything bad."

Shepard stood up and walked over to her dresser to retrieve her clothing for the day, "sure you weren't…are you going to get up?"

"Oh I'm up…" Joker winked at Shepard as she turned to look at him.

"Is that so?" Shepard gave a wicked grin and walked towards him, she chuckled when she saw him swallow hard. Running her hand up his leg as she walked up the length of the bed she stopped when she was level with his hips. "I'll tell you what, I'll make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Joker looked nervous, Shepard couldn't help but think about how adorable he was.

"If you get up now, get dressed and come with me to this appointment then tonight we'll have dinner and I'll help you out with this." Shepard reached over and gave Joker's hard erection a firm squeeze Joker's head dropped back into the pillow and he let out a loud groan.

"You are going to kill me woman." Joker arched his back when Shepard didn't move her hand away, instead started gently tracing him with her fingers through the blanket. "I don't know if my heart can take this teasing."

"I'm not teasing Jeff," Shepard bent over to bite at the side of his neck, "I will help you with this later tonight." Giving him one last squeeze she pulled her hand away, Joker letting out a disappointed groan as she stood up straight. "Only if you get your ass out of bed right now, and get dressed."

"Well with bargaining skills like that I guess I'm stuck," Joker pulled back the blankets and sat up, momentarily forgetting his insecurities from last night, it wasn't until his feet his the ground he looked up to see her reaction.

"Well Jeff," Shepard wrapped her arm around his waist pulling him into a hug, "I'm starting to think that pants should be an optional part of the uniform."

"Only if a shirt is optional for you." Joker leaned down to kiss her again and she melted into his arms.

"Okay, okay enough of this, you're distracting me." Shepard took three big steps back towards her stairs. "You get dressed, we have to be downstairs in five minutes." Turning around Shepard bee-lined for her bathroom before Joker could distract her again.

Walking out of her bathroom dressed and ready for the day she smiled as she found Joker playing with her hamster.

"He likes me!" Joker stuck his finger in the cage, only to be rewarded with a hard bite. "Ow! Okay, maybe he doesn't like me."

"He is a she, and she doesn't really like anyone. She likes to bite." Shepard took Joker's hand and headed towards the elevator, hitting the button for the crew deck she gave his hand a squeeze. "Got some questions ready for the Doctor?"

"I'm not sure I know what to ask," Joker thought about it, "suggestions?"

"Well things like healing time, long term medication, will it just stop you from getting worse or will it make you better…things like that come to mind." The elevator slowed to a stop, and Joker looked at their interlocked hands with worry.

"Do you want me to let go?" Joker's voice sounded small even to him.

"Why would you?" Shepard raise an eyebrow in question.

"If you didn't want the crew to know…" Joker looked down, "I'm sure you have other options."

"Jeff," Shepard moved forwards and kissed him, "you're being an idiot."

"Am not." Joker pouted, "I just didn't want to assume."

"I'm in love with you, you big idiot. I don't care what the crew thinks or who knows. You're my man, and I'm damn proud of it." Shepard took a step out into the hallway pulling Joker behind her.

Most of the crew were still having breakfast in the mess hall and their interlocked hands earned a few whistles and various cat calls.

"Yeah yeah, enough you guys. Don't you all have work you could be doing?" Shepard pressed the holo for the med bay walking in as the door slid open.

"Finally!" walked towards them, "honestly Commander I was starting to think that I was going to have to tell him myself. Take a seat just over there and we'll figure out the course of action."

"Yes Mom," Shepard laughed hoping up onto a table and shuffling over so Joker had room to join her, she watched the two Doctors talk over a data pad that Mordin was holding with mild interest.

"Right," Dr. Chakwas walked over and looked up from the data pad. "From Mordin's research we've concluded that we have everything that we need to complete the surgery and it doesn't seem as if it will be that difficult to recover from for you Joker, you will only need a few days off."

"Wait, what about Kai?" Joker glanced at Shepard who suddenly seemed to be very interested in her shoes. "What about her healing?"

fixed her best angry mother look on Shepard, "I'm guessing that our stubborn Commander decided to leave out the details of the complications that her C5X implants will cause didn't she?"

"Complications?" Jokers flicked his eyes back of forth from the Doctor and Shepard.

"It's nothing important, I don't see why he needs to be bothered by it. I've already said I'm going to do the surgery so let's just focus on getting Joker better."

"I'm not doing anything until someone tells me what these complications are." Joker's jaw set and a stubborn expression let Shepard know she wasn't going to win at this fight, looking over to the Doctor she shrugged her surrender.

"The Commanders C5X implants make it so painkillers won't work on her." gave Joker a sad look. "When she does her part of the surgery she will feel all of it, her recovery will take quite a bit longer than yours I'm afraid even with Cerberus' upgrades she probably will be out of action for at least a week, maybe longer. Despite our warnings she insisted on being tested anyway."

Joker gave Shepard's hand a squeeze to get her attention, looking in his eyes she looked sheepish. "You knew about this?" Shepard nodded slowly and Joker turned back to the Doctor. "Forget it, the surgery is off."


	7. Chapter 7

"What?" Shepard stared at Joker open mouthed, "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Just what I said, there is no way I'm going to let you go through that." Joker squeezed her hand and moved to pull her into a hug, as Shepard resisted the movement.

"Joker, I may be the only chance you have at this…why would you say no to that?" Shepard dropped Joker's hand and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Haven't you done enough for me already? Wasn't dying enough?" Joker's face flushed. "I mean God, Kai, you can't spend your entire life trying to save me, and do you have any idea how much this is going to hurt?"

Shepard stood up to face him directly, "you're being an idiot again Jeff. I get shot at for a living; do you think that this is worse than that? Hell I got hit by an exploding canister last week and had to come and have bits of metal pulled out of my back. In comparison having a cut on my leg and getting a week off for it sounds like a vacation to me." Shepard turned to Dr. Chakwas who was watching the argument silently, "surgery is on Doc." Joker moved to interrupt and Shepard cut him off, "I'm not going to discuss this Jeff, if I am your only chance in this it's being done."

Joker looked at his hands in his lap, "it's not that I'm not grateful that you're willing to do this for me, I just can't ask you to do it."

"You never asked, I'm offering. This is my choice Joker; let me do this for you." Shepard took Joker's hands in her own and he met her eyes. "Please."

Looking into her strange blue eyes he felt his resolve go, "Okay…let's do it."

Shepard beamed down at him pulling him into a hug, "it'll be fine, I promise. We have the best Doctors on the Normandy; if it makes you feel better you can be my sexy man slave while I get better."

Dr. Chakwas cleared her throat loud enough to make Shepard jump, reminding her that they weren't alone. Shepard flushed, "sorry, got a little side tracked…"

"Anyway," Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow at Shepard, "Do we have a date in mind?"

"Well, I was given more dossiers so I'd like to pick up the rest of the crew, thankfully I should be able to get that done within a week. Sounds like as good as time as any to take a week's vacation." Shepard turned to Joker, "sound good to you?"

"That works for us," Dr. Chakwas nodded, "I also meant to mention Commander, your C6X implants are ready next time you land on Illium I'll have them delivered to the ship, the C5X implants you have now won't last much longer so the sooner the better."

Pulling up her Omni tool Shepard quickly went over the dossiers that the Illusive Man had given her, "well, I guess I'll go and get the assassin then…two birds with one stone and all that."

"Sounds like a plan; I'll have Mordin prepare everything for the surgery."

"Sounds good," Shepard turned to Joker, "get us to Illium Joker."

"Can do Commander," Shepard turned to go to leave but was stopped by Joker's hands, "hey, don't I get a goodbye kiss?"

Shepard smiled, "if you insist…" their lips met in a brief kiss, "now go fly the ship."

"Yes ma'am," Joker stood and made his way out the door.

With a quick wave Shepard went to go and suit up for the day, turning the corner towards the mess she saw a large crowd quickly backing away from the med bay windows.

"If you're quite done watching me kiss my boyfriend?" Shepard rested a hand on her hip and tried to stifle the smile that threatened to give her amusement away. "Who wants to go and pick up the assassin with me?"

"Assassin?" Jack smiled, "sounds sexy, I'm in."

"You're going to need a decent sniper with you Shepard," Garrus stood up from his chair, "I'll go."

"Sounds good, suit up and I'll page you when we're ready to dock." Heading towards the armory Shepard was excited, it wasn't very often when you got yourself a new boyfriend and got to meet a famous assassin on the same day, this was promising to be an interesting week.

Thane Krios was interesting, and that was putting it mildly. Shepard couldn't understand the problem that Jacob had with him as he had been nothing but polite since arriving on the ship but she decided not to press the matter.

Heading down to the mess hall Shepard felt a wave of nausea sweep over her, taking a deep breath the bee lined for the woman's washroom as soon as the elevator came to a stop.

"Shepard?" Jack watched the Commander run into the washroom with a hand over her mouth and got up to follow, "you okay?"

Jack heard a wretch, shortly followed by a scream that ripped through her and left a cold panic. "Shepard?"

Shepard arched her back as a shock wave of pain rocked through her body, all of her muscles tensing her nerves lighting up with a burning fire. "Go…get…Chakwas." Shepard screamed as the pain surged again.

Turning on her heel Jack ran from the bathroom shouting for help as soon as she was around the corner, "Chakwas! It's Shepard!"

Garrus lurched to his feet from the table he was sitting at. "Where is she?"

"The bathroom, I don't know what's wrong but she's down and doesn't look good."

Dr. Chakwas came out of the med bay at a jog, "Garrus come with me, and I may need you to carry her. Jack take me to her, EDI page Joker."

A scream filled the air as Dr. Chakwas rounded the corner on Shepard, "hang on Commander, I'm here."

"Everything…hurts…" Shepard took heaving breaths, her face pale.

Rolling Shepard onto her side Dr. Chakwas immediately saw the problem, a black burn hole sitting where one of the C5X implants rested in her spine, all of Shepard's scars lighting up in threatening red as the light flickered on the implant.

"Garrus get her to the med bay, sit her on one of the tables don't lay her down. Jack go get Kasumi, we're going to need her tech expertise." Dr. Chakwas put a hand to her ear as Garrus picked Shepard up in his arms and rushed past her. "Mordin, you better get down here, we've had a complication."

"Joker, there is an emergency. You must go to the med bay." EDIs orb pulsed brighter than Joker had seen it before.

"What's going on?" Joker grabbed on to the back of his chair pulling himself to standing.

"Shepard's C5X implant has failed; she is being prepped for emergency surgery. I would recommend haste."

"What the shit!" turning towards the CIC Joker jogged towards the elevator as fast as his legs would carry him. Slamming his hand against the button for the crew deck hard enough it hurt he let out a frustrated growl, "EDI can you speed this thing up?"

The door slid open in front of him and he heard a scream that made his heart temporarily stop, "shit, MOVE PEOPLE." The crowd looking into the med bay parted to allow him in. Shepard was sitting on a table with Dr. Chakwas wiping down her back with some kind of strong smelling disinfectant. The pink scars that covered Shepard's body suddenly lit up to a deep red and Shepard let out a shriek.

"Hang on Shep; we'll get you fixed up. I just need a few more seconds…" Kasumi was typing on a keyboard which was connected to four chunks of metal lying across the counter. "I've never configured implants before."

Mordin brought a tray of surgical instruments over and placed them on a trolley next to Dr. Chakwas, who noticed Jokers entrance.

"Keep her calm Joker; this isn't going to be fun." Dr. Chakwas reached over and grabbed a scalpel, "brace yourself Commander."

"I've got it!" Kasumi quickly disconnected the implants from the computer and placed them on the tray next to Dr. Chakwas before stepping aside to give the Doctor room to work.

"Someone is going to need to hold her up." Joker stepped forwards but was cut short, "not you Joker, Shepard was strong before, with Cerberus upgrades she would kill you if she gripped you too hard. Garrus, you've still got your armor on hold her straight. Joker, talk to her."

Garrus stepped in front of Shepard and she placed a hand on each of his shoulders. "Hang on Shepard, you can do this."

Walking around to the side of the table Joker watched Dr. Chakwas run the scalpel down Shepard's back, carefully cutting around the dark hole. "You're okay Kai, take a breath…" the marks on Shepard's body lit up once again and she let out a scream, closing her hands on Garrus' armor the loud groan of metal could be heard and her fingers bent his shoulder plates.

Shepard ground her teeth together, her body was on fire. "Hurry up…"

Joker watched the line of blood running down her back. "It's almost out…keep breathing." Joker felt tears sting his eyes as Shepard arched her back and let out a sob. Reaching over Dr. Chakwas picked up a tool that he didn't know and attached it to the burnt implant, with a twist it gave way she dropped it on the table in front of Joker. Shepard went limp. "Kai? Kai talk to me!" he touched her arm and she slowly turned her head, the angry red lines all over her body fading.

"It's ok, I'm okay…I can't feel anything." Shepard rested her head against Garrus, exhausted. "Sorry about your armor Garrus."

"You should be okay now Commander," Dr. Chakwas stood up reaching for another tool. "Everything below that implant is now offline and numb until I replace it with the C6X."

"Wait," Shepard looked over her shoulder, "takes the bone marrow now…I won't feel it."

"Kai," Joker rubbed her shoulder, "now's not the time, we need to get you patched up."

Shepard closed her eyes and dropped her head, Garrus pushed some hair out of her face the angry red lines now their normal light pink. "Now is the perfect time, you were so concerned about the pain of the surgery earlier, this is the best solution."

Dr. Chakwas looked over to Mordin, "do you think you could do it quickly?"

"Yes." Mordin nodded, "I'll get started now."

Cutting away one of the legs of her pants Mordin made quick work of retrieving the bone marrow from Shepard's thigh, while Mordin worked Dr. Chakwas removed the rest of Shepard's C5X implants leaving her resting heavily against Garrus.

"Done." Mordin stood up and held up a vial to the light, regarding his work.

"Alright Commander," Dr. Chakwas rubbed Shepard's arm in a motherly fashion. "I'm going to put your new implants in, this won't take long."

Shepard nodded weakly, "let's get this finished." Dropping her head against Garrus he ran his talons through her hair. Joker tried not to feel jealous at the Turians ability to be there for Shepard in a way he couldn't be.

Pulling out a new tool Dr. Chakwas made fast work of twisting the new implants into their designated places. "Alright Kasumi," the thief appeared beside Joker, "let's start them up."

Kasumi ran her hands across her omni tool and waved her arm over Shepard's back, four blue lights flickered on and Shepard groaned.

"Ok Commander?" Dr. Chakwas walked around to the front of the table encouraging Shepard to sit back on her own. "Can you feel your feet?"

Shepard was exhausted, but swung her feet back and forth then rolled her ankles. "Yeah, I can feel everything…unfortunately. I feel like I've been hit by a truck, can I lay down now?"

"Just a minute Commander, let me wrap you up first. Thank you Garrus, you can go." Turning to face the crowd that was standing at the med bay door the Doctor smiled "Shepard will be alright, you should give her some time to rest."

The crowd slowly started to dissipate and Joker grabbed one of Shepard's hands, she smiled and gave it a weak squeeze.

"That sucked," Joker let out the breath he was holding, "a lot."

"Yeah," Shepard nodded, "it really did. I hate to be a buzz kill but I think that I may have to cancel our date for tonight."

Joker laughed, "I guess I can let you off, we'll do something another night."

"Actually you should probably dock the ship somewhere safe for a while Joker." Dr. Chakwas pulled her gloves off, "Shepard won't be much use to anyone for the rest of the week. I'll contact the Illusive Man now and let him know what happened. "

"Right," Joker helped Shepard lay back onto the bed, "anywhere you want in particular?"

"The Citadel," Shepard groaned as her back it the bed.

"Why the Citadel?" Joker brushed her hair out around her head.

"Cause after a day like that, I could really use a pizza." Shepard closed her eyes and drifted off into sleep.

Joker leaned over and kissed her forehead letting out a quiet laugh. "Aye aye Commander."

Heading towards the door Joker headed back towards his cockpit, the great Commander Shepard needed pizza, and that's what she was going to get.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I don't own Mass Effect...but I do have 3 chapters to post! Yay!

Joker rubbed his face in frustration, considering Shepard had saved the Citadel you would think that C-Sec would make docking there a little bit easier for her ship, signing the last of the security wavers he pressed the button on his omni tool to send them to C-Sec's head office and finally the Normandy was clear to stay docked for the rest of the week.

"EDI, I'm going to visit Shepard. " Joker headed through the empty CIC, most of the crew had left for shore leave which left the ship quieter than usual.

"Yes Jeff, I will maintain security protocol while you're away."

Hitting the button on the elevator Jeff fidgeted with his hat, it had been 18 hours since the changeover of the implants and Shepard still hadn't woken up. had assured him that it was just the stress her body had gone through, and that she would wake up when she was ready but he was concerned. Stepping out of the elevator he walked into the med bay and was surprised to see a group of people around Shepard's bed.

"Hey guys," Joker whispered, as he got closer, "any signs of sleeping beauty waking up yet?"

"Not yet," Garrus got up from his seat next to Shepard to let Joker sit down. " said that her body must be repairing itself."

"What the fuck happened anyway?" Jack made no move to keep her voice down and was immediately shushed by the surrounding group. "Ok, geeze," dropping her voice down she looked over the sleeping form of the Commander. "Since when does she glow?"

Shepard was vaguely aware of chatter around her and a dull ache in her right leg, deciding to stay quiet for the time being she focused on keeping her breathing even so no one would pick up that she was awake.

"The C5X implants primary job is to replace the parts of her spine that were too damaged or missing after her accident, they coordinate her nerve pulses and allow her to have sensation in the lower half of her body. They also synchronize all of the other cybernetics that have replaced various parts of her body as well as Cerberus' upgrades. When her implant failed it caused all of her nerves to fire rapidly and violently." Dr. Chakwas gently patted Shepard's leg, "I can only imagine what it must have felt like yesterday…"

"Hot, like everything was on fire." Shepard opened her eyes and was promptly pulled into hug by Joker.

"You're awake!" Joker kissed her forehead, "how do you feel?"

Shepard cautiously stretched out her back, holding her breath. "Actually," Shepard rolled her neck and rotated her shoulders, "not that bad. My leg is aching a bit but my back feels fine, only a little itchy."

"Do you feel alright to sit up?" Dr. Chakwas placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder guiding her up, "you should have something to drink."

Taking the cup offered from Garrus, she looked around at the people standing with her, "Garrus why aren't you wearing your armor?"

Garrus' mandibles flared and he let out a chuckle looking down at his civilian clothing, "you broke it."

"Oh god," Shepard winced, "I'm sorry Garrus, pick out whatever you want and I'll replace it for you."

"Already done, Commander," Miranda spoke up from the back of the crowd, "I should have been more firm about having the C6X implants put in straight away, I apologize. I have covered the cost of Officer Vakarian's armor for you."

"Thanks Miranda, you didn't have too…Kasumi, Jack, why are you guys both here? Plenty of people with too many things on the Citadel, I figured you'd be helping to relieve them of their burden."

Jack laughed, "shit Shepard, after how bad you looked yesterday I wasn't going anywhere." Jack patted Shepard's arm in an affectionate way, "if you die I want first dibs on this ship."

Shepard laughed "gee, thanks for the concern."

"No problem, now that I know you're ok I think I'm going to go and check out the Citadel. If I can get past security…" Jack stood up and walked out dragging Garrus along with her.

"Excuse me Commander; I'm going to let the Illusive Man know that you're awake." With a nod Miranda stepped out and headed back to her office.

"I just wanted to check up on my handy work," Kasumi was smiling under her hood, "I've never configured implants before and I think that I got them to the right shade of blue too."

"Come again?" Shepard looked between the Doctor and the Thief, "I'm lost here."

"One of the many qualities that make the C6X implants more popular is the ability to choose which color their lights are. Kasumi somehow managed to turn them blue and program them in less time than it took me to get them out of the box." laughed, "You should give her a raise."

"Can I see them?" Shepard glanced over her shoulder at the bandage resting there.

"No way are you healed enough yet Kai," Joker rubbed her leg through the blanket. "You should wait until that skin is healed."

"It very well may be healed Joker," Dr. Chakwas pulled at the edge of one of Shepard's many bandages. "That was part of the Cerberus upgrades, to encourage her muscles, skin and bones to heal quickly, the only reason why the bone marrow extraction has left her so sore is because that was about the only thing that Cerberus didn't plan for."

Watching as pulled away the bandage Kasumi let out a low whistle, "not too shabby if I do say so myself."

"I want to see, Joker help me stand." Shepard slid her feet off the side of the bed before gently stepping onto the floor, using Joker to keep herself **standing** upright, looking down she noticed that she was wearing a black bra band and a pair of shorts that she knew weren't her own. "Who changed me?"

"I did," Kasumi smiled. "Your clothes smelt terrible, the shorts are Joker's just in case you were wondering."

"I knew I was going to get you in my pants eventually," Joker helped her take the first few steps towards the door, helping her as she adjusted for her mild limp.

"Perv, it doesn't count if I was passed out." Shepard turned towards Kasumi's room, "can I use your mirror?"

Kasumi walked ahead opening the door for Shepard who was now mostly walking by herself, though Joker was standing close enough to catch her should anything happen. Walking over the full length mirror Shepard twisted so she could see her back, the four blue lights glowed brightly underneath her skin and was a an almost perfect match for the blue highlights that ran through her tattoo, she had to admit as creepy as it was that she was full of robot parts they looked pretty.

"Wow, nice job Kasumi." Shepard gave Kasumi a quick hug, "they look awesome compared to the ugly yellow I had before."

"I thought you might like them, now go and make sure you're all patched up. Now I know you're okay I'm going to go out to dinner with Jacob." With a wink Kasumi disappeared.

Limping back to the med bay, Joker helped her climb back onto the table, "so Doc, am I free to go?"

"Certainly Commander, providing you promise to be on bed rest for the next two days." Shepard nodded her agreement. "Then by all means go sleep in a comfortable bed, Joker can page me if you need anything."

"I do believe I requested a pizza," Shepard smiled at Joker. "Do you think that the Citadel has delivery?"

"Not likely, but Ken owes me a favor so I'll ask him to go. Why don't you head up to your quarters and I'll bring it up once it's here?" Joker squeezed her hand and walked to the door, "I need to shower and I'll be up."

"You know I do have a private shower," Shepard let out a wicked smile, "you could use mine…"

"Bed _rest _Commander, rest being the key word there." Dr. Chakwas laughed, "All extra-curricular activities should wait a few days."

"Ok ok…I guess I'll see you up there." Shepard stood slowly, shifting her weight onto the leg that wasn't sore. "When will Joker get his surgery?"

"In about a week's time, Mordin need's to work with the sample you provided to make it suitable for transfer. We'll let you know a day or so before hand so you can prepare."

"Sounds good Doc. I should probably shower too." Shepard limped towards the door.

"Commander, make sure not to stand too long on that leg or you will find yourself quite sore by the end of the day."

"No problem, my shower has a seat in it."

"A seat?" Joker tilted his head in question.

"More like a bench, which I why I asked if you would like to share it with me, but apparently you and the good Doctor over here have other thoughts on your mind and you say I'm perverted." Shepard laughed at the blush creeping up cheeks.

"I'll see you in a bit, Joker," Shepard limped towards the elevator, "and don't forget on the pizza no-"

"Pineapple, I know." Joker smiled, "I remember."

With a wave Shepard hit the button for her room, leaning heavily on the wall of the elevator as it made its way up. Yesterday had been exhausting but she couldn't help but feel excited to have two days alone with Joker, hopefully it would be clothing optional two days. Hopping into her room she quickly pulled off the black band around her chest and dropped the shorts limping straight for the shower leaving the shorts where they fell. Fiddling with the knobs she waited for the water to warm up, passing the time by brushing her teeth and working the worst of the knots in her hair out with a brush.

Once the bathroom was suitably full of steam Shepard stepped into the hot water letting out a hiss as the heat hit the healing skin on her back. Working over her body with a soft cloth she worked off the dried blood that clung to her skin watching the pink water run down over the new scar on her right leg and down the drain. Washing her hair she rinsed off and stepped out of the shower, the cold air of the bathroom bringing her skin up with goose bumps, reaching for a towel she wrapped it around herself once and tucked it under her arm. Heading out of the bathroom she heard a squeak.

"Sorry, I uh...should have knocked." Joker was standing in front of her with a pizza box, his face a flaming red.

Shepard smiled, and walked over to Joker, taking the box from his hands she set it on the nearby desk. She ran her hands up his chest loving his shocked expression. "Don't look so scared Jeff, I won't bite."

"I'm not worried about you biting me, Kai," Joker took her hands in his; "I'm worried about you breaking me."

"What do you mean?" Shepard arched an eyebrow, shifting her weight off of her sore leg.

"Come, you should sit. We can talk over pizza." Joker helped Shepard take the few steps down to the couch before retrieving the box from the desk. "Do you want some privacy to get dressed?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm not worried about you seeing me naked Jeff, in fact I was hoping we would spent most of the next two days naked." Shepard winked and Joker looked down to avoid her gaze. "Okay, what's going on here? Why are you so reluctant all of a sudden?"

"It's not going to be that simple, Kai, we can't just…oh god this is going to be awkward to talk about." Joker rubbed his face and let out a groan.

"It's okay, Jeff, sit down and eat. I've got nowhere to go for the next two days, I'm sure that you can figure out what you need to say." Shepard opened the box and grabbed a slice, shoving it into her mouth in a very unlady like manner she let out a groan. "Oh yeah, that's the good stuff."

Joker laughed, "Not much gets you down Kai, you wouldn't believe that you were having massive surgery yesterday."

"Oh yes I would, I'm still pretty sore and my back is killing me, "Shepard grabbed another slice and slid the box over to Joker, "would you eat please? I don't want to feel like a pig and eat the whole thing."

"That was pretty scary," Joker grabbed a slice and took a bite, "I've never seen you that out of it before, I didn't even know that you could scream in pain, I thought you only got that loud when you're mad."

"I've never been in that much pain before;" Shepard shrugged, "sometimes screaming helps."

"Not even when you…." Joker paused, "sorry that's probably not something you want to talk about."

"No it's ok," Shepard leaned back against the couch and stretched her sore leg out in front of her. "No, dying didn't really hurt. It was like a light switch going off," Shepard thought about it. "I'm pretty sure yesterday was the worst pain I've ever been in. How about you?"

"Huh?" Joker looked over his slice of pizza, "What about me?"

"What's the worst pain you've ever been in?" Shepard twisted her hair between her fingers; Joker liked watching her do the small things like that, it was very feminine.

"Well, that would probably be the first time that I had sex," Joker flushed, "which is why you could say I'm reluctant…"

"So what happened?" Shepard was interested now, her eyes fixed on his face.

Joker shrugged looking down at his lap, "she was a nice girl, my first real girlfriend. She knew I had Vroliks and that I hadn't been with a girl before and she offered to be my first…after fooling around for a bit she straddles me drops down and…." Joker trailed off.

"And…what happened?"

"She broke my pelvis into five pieces, and then two ribs in her attempt to get off of me to get help. It was very painful and more embarrassing than I care to admit." Joker still hadn't looked up from his lap, Shepard slid on the couch to be closer to him.

"Hey," Shepard placed a finger under his chin and brought his eyes up to hers, "I'm sorry that happened, and I understand why you're scared to try again but that doesn't mean that's what's going to happen with us. I'm sure we can find a way to make it work." Shepard searched his eyes, "if you want too that is."

Joker let out a tense breath; "you have no idea how much I want to, no idea. The thought of you keeps me up at night." he stroked her face and leaned in to kiss her, "I want you so bad it hurts, it keeps me up at night, you're all that I've thought about during my nights alone for years."

Shepard closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against his, running her hand up the back of his neck and pulling his hat off.

"Hey, that's my good hat…" Joker reached for it, "and remember what the Doctor said, you need bed rest. You're meant to be resting, not making out with your boyfriend."

"Well, if my _boyfriend_," Shepard put emphasis on the word, "wasn't so sexy maybe I wouldn't be so pent up and ready to jump his bones."

"You're sitting there in a towel and you're calling me sexy?" Joker laughed running his hand through his messy hair.

"I can lose the towel if it makes it better for you," Shepard reached for the edge of the towel where it was tucked it but was stopped by Joker's hands.

"Don't, please." Joker took her hands and rested them on her lap, "look Kai, I want to be with you…"

"So?" Shepard interrupted, "I'm waiting."

"But our first time together shouldn't be us trying to figure out how to be together without me breaking, I want it to be special not awkward." Joker sighed, "I was hoping to wait until after the surgery, once I'm a bit more sturdy."

"Okay…" Shepard looked him over, "how long will that be?"

"Mordin thinks that once the bone marrow is in there, about two months."

Shepard's jaw dropped, "two months?"

"Look, if you don't want to wait around until I'm stronger I understand," Joker sounded sad and Shepard instantly regretted her outburst. "You deserve someone who can satisfy you without breaking something."

"I don't want just anyone Jeff," Shepard traced a pattern on the back of his hand with her fingers, "I want you. I'll wait if that's what you think is best, but I warn you…I'm pretty much terrible to be around when I'm sexually frustrated."

Joker laughed, "I think I can handle it."

"Will you spend the night?" Shepard stood up and headed towards her dresser, "I just need to put some PJs on…" Shepard looked over her shoulder to make sure Joker was watching her

"If that's what you want," Joker pulled off his shirt and headed towards the bed, stepping out of his pants his slid into his side of the bed grabbing his hat from on top of the covers and putting it back on.

Pulling out a drawer of her dresser Shepard let her towel fall and heard a gasp come from the bed, looking over her shoulder towards Joker she put on her best sexy smile. "Problem?"

Joker's mouth was hanging open, "you're naked…"

Shepard made a show of looking down at her body before running a hand up the length of her side, "so I am."

"Move your hair," Joker's voice was so low Shepard struggled to hear him, "I want to see your wings."

Gathering her hair over her shoulder she looked back at him and watched him take in the lines of her tattoo, his eyes traveling the length of her back before stopping on her backside.

"Amazing, you're so beautiful." Joker met her eyes; "you aren't going to make the next two months easy are you?"

"Probably not," Shepard laughed reaching into the draw and pulling out a pair of underwear and a cut off t-shirt. Pulling the shirt over her head she carefully stepped into the underwear and pulled them up slowly so they didn't hit her healing skin.

"Are you sore?" Joker watched her walk over to the bed and slowly slide in, keeping her bad leg over the covers resting against the headboard.

"Yeah," Shepard ran her hand over the dark line on her leg, "I'll be ok soon though, I'd be surprised if I even had that limp tomorrow."

"Thank you for doing this Kai," Joker reached out and took her hand, "I owe you."

"I'll take payment in the form of sex," Shepard winked at him before pulling her other leg under the covers and lying down. "The way I see it, you're going to owe me a lot."

"I can live with that," Joker kissed her on the forehead before settling in besides her, tossing his hat to the couch.

"I love you," Shepard tucked her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

"I love you too," Joker wrapped his arm around her and followed her quickly into sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Sexy time? Yes please…thank you all for waiting this long for me to write Joker getting some action. Thanks as always to my wonderful beta Alilypea. I don't own Mass Effect, but if I ever win the lottery I will.**

Joker was acutely aware of something warm and wet on the side of his neck, but through the veil of sleep his mind couldn't place what exactly it was. The wet sensation was moving down his body now, Joker opened his eyes just in time to watch Shepard run her tongue across his nipple before blowing a stream of cold air over it, Joker heard himself groan.

"Kai…" Joker ran his hand through her hair, "what are you doing?"

"Playing," Shepard shifted her weight so she could repeat her action on his other nipple, "why, is there a problem?"

"I thought you agreed that we should wait…" Joker pulled gently under her arms to bring her back up to face level.

"You said you wanted to wait to have sex," Shepard kissed him on the nose affectionately, "there are a lot of things that we can do that won't break you." Shepard started to slide her hand down Joker's chest and his breath hitched, his eyes transfixed on hers.

"Like what?" Joker noticed how breathless he sounded and could feel his stomach muscles twitching as her hand continued to its intended destination.

"Like…" Shepard grabbed his cock and gave it a squeeze, "this."

Joker's hips bucked up at the contact, Shepard smiled shifting away from him to rest on her knees. Grabbing the waist band of his boxers Shepard tugged lightly, "can we lose these?"

Joker swallowed hard, "Kai, I'm not sure if this is such a good idea."

"Do you trust me?" Shepard raised an eyebrow and tried not to frown.

"You know I do, I'm just feeling a little out of my element here." Joker ran his hand up Shepard's toned arm and gave her shoulder a light squeeze.

"So I ask again, can we lose these?" Shepard pulled on his boxers again and this time Joker lifted his hips to help her pull the shorts down. Shepard purred in response, "Why Mr. Moreau, I do believe I just found out why you've always been so cocky."

Joker chuckled and pulled her down for a kiss, Shepard smiling against his mouth. Soon Shepard's hand was on the move again, teasing the sensitive nerves across the bottom of his stomach and running her nails up the inside of his thighs, touching everywhere but the place he wanted the attention the most.

"Kai…" Joker was feeling a little breathless and was now so hard he almost hurt.

Shepard glanced up from Joker's chest and saw desperation in his eyes, and decided that the teasing had gone on long enough she grabbed his hard dick and began to slowly move her hand up and down in a slow rhythm.

"Shit," Joker watch Shepard as she pumped his cock and had to struggle not to cum just at the sight of it, pressing his head back into the pillow he let out a moan, "feels so good."

Joker felt something warm brush against his inner thigh and looked down to find Shepard face level with his cock, her tongue running up the crease of his hip, hand still pumping, "is this ok?"

"Yeah…ah," Joker felt an electric shock go through his body as her mouth brushed past his dick to lick a line up to his belly button.

"Problem?" Shepard glanced up.

"No, it's just…no one's done…that…before," Joker blushed at the confession.

"Do you want me to stop?" Shepard hadn't stopped teasing him with her hand, Joker was finding it hard to think.

Joker met Shepard's eyes and took a deep breath, "no…" Shepard smiled and keeping her eyes locked with his ran her tongue slowly up his dick before taking him into her mouth. "Fuck." Joker's head dropped back onto the pillow and his nerves were on fire with the unfamiliar sensation, he could feel the slow building of tension in his core as she moved her mouth up and down on his cock, gradually increasing her speed.

Joker could feel his world coming undone when Shepard added her hands into the mix, one working her mouth and adding the odd squeeze at random intervals which left him guessing, the other gently lifting his balls and kneading them. "Kai…" Joker tangled his hand in her hair and pulled gently when she didn't stop trying to get her attention, "Kai, stop."

"Why? Something wrong?" Shepard kept pumping her hand, looking up at him with swollen lips and flushed cheeks.

"No, but I'm close…I wanted to warn you so you could stop." Joker's hips were moving with her hand now, increasing the speed.

"Oh Jeff," Shepard let out a sexy laugh, "I have no plans on stopping."

Joker groaned as Shepard swallowed him in a quick motion and resumed her prior motions with renewed vigor, her speed increasing and the pressure from her hand more firm, the pleasure quickly building to a breaking point Joker was panting, "Kai…shit…" Arching his back he spilled into her mouth all of his body alight with pleasure that he had never felt before. Shepard swallowed all he had to offer before releasing him from her mouth and stretching to lay next to him.

"Good?" Shepard ran her hand up his chest and rested against his pounding heart.

"That's a slight understatement I think, you're amazing." Joker felt the tug of sleep behind his eyes and yawned, "what about you though?"

"You're exhausted, we can talk about me in the morning, go to sleep." Shepard rolled and kissed him on his cheek before settling against his chest and closing her eyes, "I'll have you know though that your tab is getting to be quite impressive."

Joker laughed softly pulling her in closer, "I'll pay you back with interest."

"Damn right you will," Shepard felt Joker's breathing even out and slowly felt herself fall asleep.

"Good Morning Commander," Shepard opened her eyes and looked over at EDIs blue orb in the corner, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine thanks EDI," Shepard sat up and ran her hands over her face trying to get the sleep out of her eyes, Joker still had his eyes closed but reached out and took one of her hands and interlocked their fingers together.

"How's your leg?" Joker's voice was low with sleep but he still managed to sound concerned.

Shepard pulled the sheet back to take a look at the new scar, it had faded to a pale pink overnight but was still sore to the touch, "well it's going to show when I wear miniskirts," she laughed at the thought of herself in a skirt at all, "I've had worse, and I'm sure it will fade more with time."

Joker sat up and rested on his elbow to take a better look at the mark, "I can't believe how fast you heal."

"Yeah I know, it takes some getting used to," Shepard looked back at EDIs orb, "I'm sorry EDI, did you need me for something?"

"You have a lunch arrangement with Mr. Krios, Officer Chambers asked me to remind you."

"Oh that's right," Shepard carefully placed her feet on the ground and stood up slowly adjusting her weight to see if her muscles were still sore, taking a slow step she smiled. "Oh yeah, feeling so much better."

Joker tried to smile, "that's great Kai, I'm glad."

Shepard wasn't so easily fooled, "what's wrong?"

Joker pulled at a string coming from the blanket on the bed, "you've got a date with Krios?"

Shepard walked around to Joker's side of the bed and sat on the edge resting one hand on his thigh over the blanket. "No, I don't have a date with Thane. I'm going out to lunch with him so I can get to know him."

Joker raised an eyebrow, "so tell me if going out with someone to get to know them isn't a date what is?"

Shepard was getting frustrated, "oh, I don't know…having someone up to my personal quarters, having them spend the night and waking them up to give them a blow job at 3 a.m.? Jealousy doesn't suit you Joker."

Joker flushed, "what doesn't suit me is my girlfriend going out for a date with another man, how would you feel if I went out with Kelly?"

Shepard walked over to her dresser and started to pull out her clothes for the day, if Joker was going to be this childish over something this small she was defiantly going to get off of the ship for the afternoon.

"Well for one I trust you," Shepard pulled her jeans up before turning her back to joker to put on her bra, "so I'm not worried about you going out to lunch with Kelly." Shepard found her favorite black shirt and tugged it on before turning around to face Joker crossing her arms across her chest she frowned, "and for two when you say that you love me I believe you so I don't think you would do anything to hurt me, now you said you trusted me last night but right now I'm not sure that I believe that."

"I do trust you Kai but-"Joker was cut off.

"No you don't, because if you did me going out for lunch to welcome someone to the crew wouldn't be such a big deal. Now I'm going out with Thane, and I'll be back whenever I'm done. If you want to go out with Kelly I'm sure EDI can arrange that for you." Pulling her hair up in a ponytail she shrugged on her N7 jacket, pressing the button to the open the door she spoke over her shoulder not hiding the hurt in her voice, "have a good day Joker."

The door was shut behind her and he could hear the whir of the elevator before he got a chance to process what had happened.

"Shit, I just screwed up." Joker stood up to get dressed.

"Yes, Jeff, you did," EDIs voice sounded disappointed and Joker sighed.

"Where is she?" Joker pulled on his hat and headed into the elevator hoping to catch up with Shepard before she left.

"The Commander and Mr. Krios just left the ship Joker," EDIs voice filled the elevator and a sense of dread filled him.

"This is going to be a really long day," heading towards the cockpit he decided to use the time to double check the ship's maintenance reports and figure out how to apologize to Shepard when she got back.

Shepard was laughing as she stepped through the airlock back onto the Normandy, her earlier bad mood diminished after spending the past few hours making a new friend. Once Thane had opened up Shepard found that he had a wicked sense of humor, he was intelligent and had so many interesting stories that she found herself hanging off his every word.

Joker looked up from his reports when he heard the airlock open and heard Thane's growly voice as they walked down the hallway.

"I enjoyed lunch very much, Siha, perhaps if we have another shore leave we could do it again."

Joker temper flared and he struggled to stand to intercept their conversation.

"I'd like that Thane; I still think you need to join Garrus and I for cards though. You guys would have a blast comparing stories." Shepard smiled and patted Thane on the shoulder, hearing Joker's distinct walk behind them she turned.

"Siha? He's got a fucking pet name for you now?" Joker was furious, "you said it wasn't a date! You came back with a pet name! Who does that?"

"Oh I don't know, _Joker,_" Shepard calmed her face and concentrated on her breathing so her temper didn't run away with her, "seems like the kind of things that friends do."

"The hell it is, I can't believe this." Joker crossed his arms and frowned, "I thought we were together!"

"We ARE," Shepard felt her control slip she turned to Thane, "I'm sorry Thane, and Joker's being an idiot."

"I am not! You-"

Shepard turned on Joker and stalked towards him closing the gap in three strides, startled Joker backed up until he hit the wall behind him. "Yes you are, you don't own me Joker. I don't know what the fuck your problem is but I don't appreciate my boyfriend second guessing my every move."

Thane quietly slipped into the elevator and out of sight, trying to avoid being part of the argument.

"How would you feel Kai? You left the bed with me this morning to go out with him, you expect me to believe that there's nothing going on? Actions speak louder than words." Joker could feel the flush to his face, his heart stopped in his chest when he saw tears fill Shepard's eyes.

"You're right, they do." Shepard nodded and took a step back; wrapping her arms around herself she assumed her protected stance but didn't drop his gaze. "When I met you on the first Normandy and you told me about your disability I could have requested another pilot, but I didn't. When we got attacked I could have left you behind and escaped, but I didn't. I could have elected not to be tested for your surgery because of the complications, but I decided to do it anyway even though I was scared. I'm not going to be second guessed by you, Jeff. I've given you everything since we met, even my life. You don't trust me enough to let me go out with a friend for lunch; you don't trust me enough to make love to me…" Shepard trailed off and wiped the tears that were now flowing freely down her face, she was grateful that the ship was mostly empty so the crew didn't see the display.

"If you don't trust me, Jeff, can you tell me what you're doing here?" Shepard gestured at the space between them, "What's the point?"

Joker sighed and felt his anger ebbing away, "you're right, I'm being stupid." He looked up and felt his heart break at how sad she looked, "come here…" he held his arms open but Shepard didn't move, "please, you look like you need a hug."

Shepard took a step forward and let Joker wrap his arms around her, "I'm sorry Kai, and I've just wanted you for so long the thought of losing you drives me crazy. Thane is strong, he's a soldier, he has way more in common with you," Joker paused and rested his chin on the top of her head, "he could make love to you when I can't. I guess my insecurities got away from me, I won't let it happen again."

Shepard pulled back to look Joker in the eye, "Joker, Thane's dying, he's scared and confused about what's happening with his body and I'm the only person that he knows that's been through it. He wants to talk to me so he knows what to expect. He knows we're together, and he never tried anything with me."

"Oh, I didn't know he was sick." Joker sighed, "I'm a dick."

"Yes, you are." Shepard took a step back from Joker pulling from his arms and walked over to the elevator.

"Can I come with you?" Joker took a step towards Shepard but stopped mid stride when he saw her shake her head.

"Not until you apologize to Thane, my cabin is off limits until you do." Shepard pressed the button and stepped in hitting the key for her floor, "you owe him that."

Joker nodded, "yeah, okay. I'll be up after?"

"Sure," Shepard nodded, "I'll see you then." The elevator doors slide shut taking Shepard from his view.

Joker waited a minute before pressing the button to bring the elevator back down from Shepard's floor, selecting the crew deck he tried to think of what he was going to say to Thane. Joker walked to the door for Thane's makeshift quarters and raised his hand to knock, "Thane? Do you have a minute?"

The door shifted open to show the Drell, "of course, Joker, come in." Stepping back to allow room for Joker to enter Thane walked over to a chair that had been pulled up to a small table and took a seat and gestured for Joker to join him. "What do you need?"

"I just wanted to say sorry about what I said," Joker rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his feet, "I was being stupid."

"Apology accepted, Joker," Thane smiled, "Shepard is an amazing woman, however I have no desire to overstep my bounds and cause issue between you two. She speaks very highly of you."

"She does?" Joker smiled and chocked his head to the side, "what does she say?"

Thane sat back and his eyes lost focus, "She leans forward, her eyes are animated. "You love him." I make it a statement, she looks down and a flush crosses her cheeks. She looks beautiful and she nods, meeting my eyes she smiles, "I do, very much." I smile back, her joy contagious." Thane glanced up at Joker, "I'm afraid that's all I'm willing to share, Joker, as a friend I would like to assure Shepard she can speak with me in confidence, I assure you however that she cares about you very much."

Joker stood up from the metal chair and extended his hand to Thane, "thanks, hopefully you'll forget about the mess I made of today and you'll consider me a friend too."

Thane shook Joker's hand and let out a low laugh, "I'm afraid Drell's have a perfect memory, however I would be happy to consider you a friend."

"Sounds good," Joker walked towards the door, "now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and get myself out of the dog house."

"I wish you luck Joker," Thane walked him to the door and nodded his goodbye as Joker made his way to the elevator.

Stepping in and pressing the button Joker sighed, this was going to be interesting.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: More sexy time… a big thank you to Alilypea for putting up with my messy writing that makes no sense. If you haven't read her stuff go and do it now, yes now. I don't own Mass Effect, but I would like too if you are looking for a Christmas Idea?**

Joker walked onto the landing between the elevator and Shepard's door and saw that the door was locked, "EDI, can you open the door for me?"

"Just a moment Joker," there was a pause, and nothing happened.

"EDI?"

The holo on the door turned yellow before turning green, "Shepard is in the shower."

"Oh, maybe I'll join her," Joker walked in and turned towards the bathroom door and heard the water shut off, deciding to let Shepard finish in peace he turned to head towards the couch when he noticed a picture frame sitting next to the computer.

There were three people in the picture; there was a woman in the arms of a man who was leaning her back into a dip as if they were dancing and a young girl probably about 15 was pointing at the couple and laughing they were standing in what looked like a field of sunflowers. Joker looked at the picture closer confused, the woman in the photo looked just like Shepard but there was something different about her, he had to wonder who she was.

"My mother," Shepard walked out of the bathroom and towards Joker, who took her form in with greedy eyes, her dark hair was pin straight and she wore a light blue silk robe that matched her eyes. The fabric flowed around her like water, hugging her curves. Shepard moved to stand next to Joker and looked at the picture pointing at each of the people within it in turn, "my father, and me."

Joker looked back the picture, "you look exactly like her, there's something different but I can't figure it out."

"Her eyes, they were brown." Shepard smiled sadly at the picture, "I have my Dad's eyes."

"What were their names?" Joker had never asked about her family before, he had known that they had been killed by Batarian slavers and he hadn't wanted to re-open old wounds.

"Anna and Grey." Shepard pointed to the flowers in the background, "my Mum loved flowers, she had planted those sunflowers for years, and every year we got a family picture in front of them. Admiral Anderson found this one when his ship landed to investigate the slaver attacks, he kept it and gave it to me the day that I told him that I had enlisted into the Alliance as a gift, and he told me it would help me remember why I fought and who I was fighting for."

"I didn't know that you and Anderson were so close," Joker looked over the photo again noticing a dark mark on the edge of Anna Shepard's shoulder he pointed it out, "what's that?"

Shepard smiled, "her wings, my tattoo is almost a perfect copy of them just a little longer."

Joker set the picture back down on the desk and took Shepard's hand, walking towards the bed he sat on the edge encouraging her to sit with him.

"I said sorry to Thane," Joker ran his thumb across the soft skin of Shepard's wrist and heard a gasp, "I'm sorry for being a jerk today, I do trust you. I promise."

Shepard tucked her feet under her and fanned out the silk around her in a circle, playing the edge of the fabric absently, "I know you trust me, I just don't do well with being treated like a criminal when I haven't done anything wrong, I would never cheat on you Jeff no matter how sexually frustrated you're leaving me." She laughed and met his eyes with a wink.

Joker smiled and rested his hand on her thigh feeling the strong muscles through the soft fabric, "you know, I may not be able to have sex with you but I never said that I wouldn't help with the frustration." Leaning forward he met Shepard's lips with his own and pushed her to lay back on the bed smiling against her mouth as she oh so carefully stretched her legs out around him so he could rest against her without even shaking him.

"This is a position that I like," Shepard looked between them at Joker poised between her thighs.

"You're going to like it more in a minute," Joker kissed down her jawline moving towards her neck, enjoying the little gasps Shepard was making. Reaching down the grabbed at the belt holding the robe closed he looked at her in question, with a small nod from Shepard Joker pulled until the knot in the silk gave way. Running his hand across Shepard's shoulder he gently pushed the blue material aside.

"Oh wow," apparently Shepard had decided to only wear the robe and now she was lying before him totally exposed. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he smiled at the flush that spread across Shepard's cheeks and kissed her lightly on the nose before allowing his hands to roam over the body below him.

Slowly tracing the curve of her breast he brushed his thumb against the dark pink of her nipple and smiled as it tightened into a bud from the attention, leaning down he took it into his mouth and sucked gently.

"Ah…"Shepard arched at the contact as Joker pulled the other nipple into his mouth before continuing to pepper her body with light kisses. Running his hand over her defined abs he smiled as she twitched, "Are you ticklish?"

Shepard nodded, feeling breathless from the gentle teasing of Joker's hands, "yeah, a little."

Joker moved further down and placed a kiss on Shepard's hip breathing in the smell of her lust deeply, running his hand across her other thigh he slowly kissed a towards her sex brushing past it to kiss her other leg.

"Jeff," Shepard's voice sounded pained and he looked up to see her resting on her elbows looking down at him, "please…"

Joker felt his pants get even tighter than he thought possible at the sight of Shepard asking him to touch her and smiled up at her, "its okay, I'll take care of you. Lay back and relax."

Shepard dropped back against the bed and Joker went back to exploring her body, laying on his side he rested his head against the inside of her thigh he reached up and gently ran his hand down her pelvic bone ghosting past her clit sliding his finger past the pink lips of her sex and sliding a long finger inside of her gently curling it in a come here motion, Shepard let out a low moan and arched her back in response.

"God Kai, you're so wet." Slowly pulling his finger out he could feel the muscles fluttering to grip at his hand, when only the tip of his finger remained he pushed it back inside setting up a rhythm that had Shepard rocking her hips to try and get more stimulation.

"Jeff," Shepard was practically sobbing, her heart pounding against her rib cage and her nerves on her fire. She could feel the muscles starting to contract, "please more, I'm so close."

Joker took a minute to take in the sight of Shepard writhing under his hand before leaning over to run his tongue over her swollen clit.

"Shit," Shepard's back bowed at the new sensation and her hands gripped at the covers on the bed, she could feel her orgasm rapidly approaching and started to roll her hips to try and get a faster speed.

Joker started thrusting his hand quickly, meeting the pace that Shepard set. He could feel her muscles grabbing at his finger, placing his lips around her clit he sucked down hard and flicked his tongue across the swollen bud.

"Jeff," Shepard purred as her pleasure reached its peak, "oh god…"

Joker stilled his hand and marveled at the strength of the muscles gripping down on his finger, he could only imagine what that would feel like when he could finally make love to her.

Shepard slumped back against the bed and Joker slid his finger out of her, climbing up the bed to rest beside her. "Good?" Joker tried not to sound unsure of himself.

"Amazing," Shepard wrapped her hand around the back of his neck pulling him down for a kiss, tasting herself on his tongue.

"Commander," EDIs voice sounded throughout the bedroom causing Shepard to jump and pull the silk around her body. "Dr. Chakwas would like to advise you that the sample is now prepared, she would like to know if tomorrow is suitable for the surgery."

Joker's head shot up at the news, "tomorrow? As in tomorrow, tomorrow?"

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to sooth him, "it's up to you Jeff."

"Uh yeah," Joker looked over at the blue orb, "yeah EDI tell Chakwas that tomorrow is good."

"Logging you out, enjoy the rest of your day."

"Sounds like you're going to have an exciting day tomorrow love," Shepard stretched causing her robe to slide open, "you should get some sleep."

"Like I can sleep with a beautiful woman naked beside me the night before I can get life changing surgery," Joker laughed and ran his hand over her exposed skin.

"I can get dressed if you like?" Shepard sat up and Joker quickly wrapped his arms around her waist to further her from going anywhere.

"Nuh uh, you need to stay naked."

"You aren't naked though," Shepard slid her hand underneath the bottom of his shirt, "this doesn't seem very fair."

"If I get naked will you stay naked?" Joker sat up and pulled his shirt over his head knocking his hat off in the process.

"I think I can do that, I'm getting under the covers though, it's cold in here." Shepard pushed herself to lean against the headboard while she watched Joker undress, "you're in great shape considering you sit all day." It was true, Joker's upper body was toned but not overly muscular, the only hint that he had Vroliks was his slightly slender legs.

"I work out with Jacob whenever I get a chance," Joker pulled his boxers and pants down at the same time and slid into the bed. "I'm naked, you're not. Deals a deal."

Shepard laughed and stood up to take off the robe, carefully folding it she placed it on the couch before walking back to the bed. Joker's eyes travelled the length of her body and he let out a whistle, "you look…" he paused for a minute trying to find the right word, "dangerous." Her body was muscular and all of her movements calculated, even naked she looked like she could take on the Collectors without issue. The pink scars that covered her skin only added to the allure.

Shepard stood at the edge of the bed and rested a hand on her hip, "I am dangerous, all N7 are." Shepard slid into the bed and rested her head against his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart, "so what are we going to do to pass the time if you can't sleep?"

"I'm not sure," Joker traced his finger down her shoulder, "have any ideas?"

"A few, but you wouldn't go for any of them." Shepard ran her hands through his chest hair and shifted her leg so she could gently hook it over one of his.

"You don't know that, what's your idea?" Joker ran his fingers through her hair and bent down to place a kiss on the top of her head.

"Well, it starts out with dinner, and then some dancing-"

"You can't dance though," Joker cut her off.

"Have you ever actually seen me dance without armor? I can dance." Shepard tilted her head back to look at him, "do you want to hear my idea or what?"

Joker nodded, "sorry, go on. Dinner, dancing, what then?"

"Then we come back here and you kiss me, maybe push me against the fish tanks," Shepard could hear Joker's heart beat a little faster and smiled, "we tear each other's clothes off and you drag me down to the bed eventually we end up in-" Shepard swung her leg over Joker's hips and quickly straddled him.

"Kai, be careful!" Joker tensed waiting for the telltale crack and looked down surprised when one didn't come. "Ok…how you doing that? I can't even feel you?"

"I can hold my own weight in positions like this for hours at a time if I need too, it's part of sniper training with N7." Shepard pulled back the blanket so he should see her positioning, "anyway, back to my idea? We end up in a position like this… and maybe I kiss your neck." Shepard leaned forwards and ran her tongue up the side of his neck earning a low groan, "and eventually, when you're all nice and hard like-" Shepard reached between them and took his growing erection in her hand before squeezing it gently, "this…I move you just so," she positioned him between the lips of her still wet sex sliding him back and forth slowly, she leaned forwards to whisper in his ear, "and when you're ready to kill me because the teasing is so bad I would sink down on you and ride you until you screamed my name so loud the people in the Sol system could hear you."

As fast as she had straddled him she was gone, back resting on her side with her head on his chest listening to his heart pounding.

"Like I said though, you wouldn't go for it."

"You are an evil tease woman." Joker sounded breathless, "it's not that I don't want to, you know that."

"Well, if it doesn't result in one or both of us screaming in pleasure I only have one idea that may work."

"Horror movie marathon?" Joker asked and Shepard nodded against his chest, they used to get together on the old Normandy once a month and watch the cheesy old horror movies. A part of him was glad that she still remembered doing it, "works for me," reaching over for the remote he turned the large T.V. on and used his other arm to pull her in closer. While it wasn't as much fun as her idea, there were worse things than spending the night with your girlfriend watching movies and if everything went as planned tomorrow the surgery would open up all the possibilities for them.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you so much for the positive reviews I've gotten over the past week, they mean the world to me. Thank you to my beta Alilypea for taking the time to try and fix my crap grammar. There should only be a few more chapters now guys, I've got the ending in sight I've just got to get us there. I will warn you that the ending will NOT be in line with ME3...cause yeah...I said so. **

**I don't own Mass Effect, but if I ever win the lottery I may buy it...just sayin'**

"Joker, wake up," Shepard shook the form of her sleeping boyfriend gently. "It's surgery day."

Joker's eyes shot open, "oh right, I can't believe that we fell asleep." He sat up slowly untangling his legs from Shepard's. "I guess I should shower."

"Help yourself to mine," Shepard stretched and curled back into the bed, "I'm still tired so I'm going to grab another 10 minutes."

"You're going to come today right?" Joker sounded nervous, his voice cracking mid-sentence. Shepard turned her head to look at him and smiled.

"Of course, if Dr. Chakwas will let me I'll stay with you for the entire thing, but you won't need me. You're going to be fine."

Joker nodded stiffly before disappearing into the bathroom. Shepard sat up and looked around the room. Seeing Joker so nervous had chased away her urge for sleep, deciding instead to get dressed she made quick work of tossing on a pair of sweats and tying her hair back. Sitting down at her private terminal she sorted through the mass amount of messages that she had received and sent the important ones off to Kelly for scheduling.

Shepard heard the door behind her open, and turned to see Joker walking out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel looking far more relaxed. "Do you ever stop working?" He walked past her to retrieve his clothes from where he had dropped them the night before.

"I stopped working last night," Shepard walked to the door and leaned on the frame, "ready?" She reached out and laced her fingers with his.

"Not really…" Joker allowed himself to be led to the elevator, his face a sickly pale again.

"I don't understand why you're so nervous, you've had surgery before." Shepard pressed the button for the crew deck and turned to look at Joker.

"It's not the surgery part that bugs me; it's the being knocked out part." Joker shrugged, "it's always really freaked me out for some reason."

"Oh," Shepard thought about it for a minute, "I guess I understand that, must be hard for a pilot to give up control like that."

Joker nodded, and a frown crossed his face when the elevator doors opened. Offering him a small smile Shepard pulled him towards the med bay. Dr. Chakwas was waiting for them just outside the door with a data pad in hand.

"Good morning, Joker, still haven't gotten over your fear of anesthesia I see." Dr. Chakwas opened the door to the med bay, and directed him over to the operating table. "You'll need to take off your pants, you can leave everything else on we can work around it. Mordin should be here any minute with the samples."

"Here now." Mordin bustled in with four long tubes in his hands, "samples perfect. Ready for surgery."

"Do you guys mind if I stay?" Shepard folded Joker's pants, and sat on the chair that was next to the head of the operating table taking his hand in hers again. "I'll keep out of the way."

"Not at all, Commander," Dr. Chakwas smiled, "I thought you would like to, which is why I pulled out the chair for you. The actual surgery should only take an hour or so, it's very minor."

"So Joker will be out of the hospital wing today?" Shepard smiled at Joker, and he weakly returned it.

"Certainly, he will need to stay for an hour or so after surgery to make sure that everything is alright and then he is all yours. Providing our calculations are correct within two months his bone density should be the same as an average man his age."

"That's amazing; I can't believe that it can change that quickly." Shepard watched Mordin prepare the tubes he brought in earlier.

"Ready Mordin?" Dr. Chakwas gathered the anesthetic and walked over to the other side of the operating table, "you need to lay back now Joker."

Joker swallowed hard, and rested back against the table, "shit, I hate this part."

Dr. Chakwas smiled, and gave his shoulder a light squeeze before tying off his arm to find a vein, "I know, but it's only going to take a second and then you will have a new life to look forward too."

Joker watched as the Doctor swabbed his arm with alcohol, and felt himself start to panic. Dr. Chakwas looked over to Shepard, "keep him distracted, Commander; he's never done well with this."

Joker was taking heaving breaths now, "can I just stay awake? I'll lay still."

Shepard stood up and leaned over Joker, "Jeff," Joker was frantically looking at Dr. Chakwas as she prepared the needle. "Jeff, look at me." Joker turned his head towards her voice, but didn't take his eyes off the needle.

"Jeff," Shepard stroked his face and Joker's green eyes met hers. "You're going to be fine, just look at me."

Joker nodded and held Shepard's hand tightly, "okay, I'm alright."

Shepard picked up the movement as Dr. Chakwas got ready to give Joker the I.V. that was going to knock him out, "you're going to feel a small pinch in a minute, Joker, just keep talking to Shepard."

Joker took a shuddering breath, "shit, you're going to stay right? Through the whole thing?"

Shepard leaned forwards and kissed him gently, "I won't leave your side, I promise. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Joker felt a pinch in the bend of his elbow and the room started to spin, "oh god," Joker fought the urge for sleep pressing in on him.

"Jeff," Joker flicked his eyes back to Shepard's his vision clouding around the edges, "I love you."

Joker could no longer resist the drugs coursing through his system, as he fell asleep he wondered if he had told Shepard that he loved her too.

"Jeff?" Joker winced at the light in the room as he woke up, "are you alright?"

Nodding slowly he looked around trying to regain his surroundings, "yeah, I'm okay. Did it go alright?"

"Perfectly Joker, Mordin did very well with the samples our Commander had provided. You won't even have much in the way of a scar." Dr. Chakwas took Joker's blood pressure, "I'd like you to stay for another hour while you wake up fully and then you can go."

"Sure Doc," Joker sat up slightly and looked over at Shepard, "did you stay the entire time?"

"Of course I did, you asked me too." Shepard smiled and stood up to kiss Joker.

"Thank you," Joker mumbled into her lips between kisses, "I love you."

"I know," Shepard sat on the edge of the bed Joker was on, "I love you, too."

"So what's the plan then?" Joker looked between Shepard and Dr. Chakwas.

"Well I need to start gathering the rest of the crew, "Shepard sighed, "and Miranda needs me for a favor."

"You'll be okay to fly tomorrow Joker; you will just need to make sure that you're getting a decent night sleep each night so the marrow can properly help you. I will need to see you back here next month to check on your progress, Commander that is around when your implants will need their first charge as well so I will book you in together."

"Sounds like a plan," Joker nodded, "is it wrong that I think it's cool that you have batteries?"

Shepard laughed, "you ass."

Shepard found that time passed quickly as always when you're a solider preparing for war, before Shepard knew what had happened their crew had grown to include Tali and Samara. All of her companions had needed her for something and feeling more than a little guilty asking them to face suicidal odds she had helped each one. Shepard had to smile, while the situation wasn't ideal it was nice to have something like a family around her.

Heading down to the med bay for her one month check she hit the green lock with the side of her hand, the med bay doors slid open in front of her, Joker was already waiting for her to arrive having an animated conversation with Dr. Chakwas. Shepard held her finger up to her lips signaling to not say anything as she crept up being Joker and wrapped her arms around his waist, making him jump.

"Hey, I'm a taken man." Joker smiled and twisted in her grip to give her a proper hug. "Ready to be recharged?"

"You know it," Shepard unzipped her sweater leaving her wearing just a sports bra, "where do you want me, Doc?"

"Just in this chair, Commander," Dr. Chakwas pointed at a chair next to one of the beds, "I assumed that you would like to be near Joker as we did his check up as well."

Sitting down on the chair Shepard leaned forwards to allow access to her back, "So how does this all work?"

"Through magnets," Dr. Chakwas pulled four wires from the wall, and gently placed them over the glowing lights down Shepard's spine, Shepard winced as the magnets grabbed at her implants through the sensitive skin. "When the light stops flashing they're fully charged."

"Joker, I need you to sit on the table please." Joker hopped up, and Shepard watched with interest as Dr. Chakwas ran her Omni tool over Jokers legs. Taking a moment to go over the results the Doctor smiled and pointed her arm towards the doors, projecting two x-rays on it side by side.

"The x-ray on the left is the one that we had on file before the surgery was complete, notice how light the bones are? The one on the right is you now Joker." Dr. Chakwas beamed, "you've done much better than we thought. See how much darker your bones are? You're at least 75% better."

Joker laughed, "Go figure all it took was some magic stuff from the great Commander Shepard, why couldn't I have met you when I was a teenager? I could have been quite the ladies man."

Shepard laughed and smacked Joker on the leg, "shut up, you know you only want me."

"Hey, watch it! Brittle bones remember?" Joker rubbed where Shepard had hit and pouted.

"Sorry baby, can't use that excuse anymore, looks like before you know it you'll be trying all kinds of new and exciting things." Shepard winked, and Joker flushed a dark red, immediately catching on to her meaning.

"So Commander," Dr. Chakwas interrupted their exchange, "any plans for your birthday next week?"

"It's your birthday next week?" Joker was surprised, Shepard hadn't mentioned her birthday.

"Oh damn," Shepard rubbed the back of her neck and looked over to the Doctor, "you had to say something didn't you?"

"Why didn't you say anything? How am I going to plan a party in a week?" Joker groaned, "You suck."

"Our Commander has always avoided her birthday, how many years have you worked together? When have you ever known her to have a party?" Dr. Chakwas smiled and sat down at her desk, "maybe this year you could do something, Shepard, what could it hurt?"

"Famous last words," Shepard sighed, "fine, let's go to Omega and hang out at afterlife. I can get the crew drunk on Cerberus' dime."

"Sure thing, I'll set a course for Omega." Joker stood up and made for the door.

"Hang on a second there, first of all we need to pick up the Reaper IFF first, second of all where the hell is my kiss goodbye?"

"You're going to go after the IFF? Can't that wait until after your birthday?" Joker walked over to where she was sitting, and bent to give her a quick kiss.

"I wish, but if I had it my way the entire war would wait." Shepard shrugged, "I can't avoid it forever, and eventually we are going to have to go after the Collectors."

"Why does it have to be you," Joker deflated, "why can't you be a cat breeder or something?"

"I'm sorry, Jeff," Shepard took his hand and squeezed it. "I'm a soldier, that's what I do. If I don't go after them then who will?"

"Someone who's not my girlfriend?" Joker adjusted his hat, "anyone else?"

Shepard carefully stood up around the wires and pulled him into a hug, "I know it must be hard to watch me get shot at, but I promise I'm tough. I'll be ok."

Joker pulled Shepard in tight against his body and kissed the side of her neck, "I can't lose you again, Kai, my heart can't take it."

"You won't, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for as long as you want me." Shepard pulled back to kiss Joker on the nose.

"Forever? Does forever sound okay for you cause that's what I'm thinking." Joker smiled down at Shepard, his bad mood temporarily forgotten.

"Sounds great," Shepard smiled, "I'm in."

"Okay you two," Dr. Chakwas chuckled, "enough of this love story in my clinic, you two are being so sickly sweet I think I'm becoming diabetic."

"Alright," Joker pulled back and walked towards the door, he still had his signature limp but Dr. Chakwas had assured him with would go away with physiotherapy. "I'll set the course to get the IFF."

Shepard nodded and watched as he disappeared from sight, "how am I looking, Doc? I need to get suited up."

Dr. Chakwas took a quick look at the implants before pulled the cables off. "All set Commander; you should be alright on this charge for another month."

"Thanks," Shepard shrugged her sweater on and walked over to EDIs console, "EDI can you page Garrus and Tali for me? Tell them to get ready to retrieve the IFF."

"Yes Commander," EDI flashed before disappearing.

Making her way towards the door Shepard was stopped by Dr. Chakwas, "be careful Shepard, I don't think I could patch Joker back up if we lost you."

Shepard nodded, "I will, thanks Karin."

Shepard groaned as she settled into bed, she had got the IFF and an intact geth. After a brief argument between Miranda and Jacob she had decided two things.

#1. Miranda and Jacob had some serious sexual frustration between them.

#2. The geth could wait until tomorrow.

Looking over towards the door as she heard it open she groaned, "I'm not buying whatever you're selling. I just had a hell of a day."

"I bet," Joker tossed his hat onto the couch, and sat down next to Shepard on the bed. "Honestly Kai, I don't know how you don't get yourself killed. I think my heart stopped when I watched you jump that gap."

"I did get myself killed," Shepard pulled the covers over her head, "and now I have to face the worst enemy of them all."

"The collectors?" Joker smiled at Shepard hiding; sometimes she acted like such a girl.

"My birthday," Shepard groaned, "why do we have to do anything anyway?"

"Because it's your birthday," Joker poked at her sides through the blanket and laughed as Shepard let out a very high pitched shriek.

"No tickles jerk, I can beat you up now the Doctor said so." Shepard came out from under the blanket with her hair a mess, "I still don't see why my birthday is such a big deal."

"Come on Kai, it won't be that bad. We'll go to Omega, we'll get you drunk and we'll come home." Joker stood up and pulled off his shirt and slipped out of his pants sliding into the bed next to Shepard.

Shepard smiled at the word "home" coming from Jokers mouth, at some point in the last month it had been decided that Joker would stay with her in the Captain's quarters, there had never been a discussion of any sort but it seemed to work with them and Shepard had grown to love the routine.

"See you're smiling, it won't be so bad." Joker found Shepard's hand and brushed his thumb over her knuckles.

"I wasn't smiling at that, I was smiling at you." Shepard blushed and looked at their hands entwined on the covers.

"And now you're blushing, care to tell me what you're thinking about?"

"Us, this," Shepard pointed at their hands, "the fact that we're together, that you consider this home."

Joker smiled, "you are home to me, Kai, wherever you are. Home is where the heart is right? Well every time you leave the ship you take mine with you." Joker pulled her into a hug, "I love you, even if you aren't half as badass as you pretend to be."

"I love you too, even though you snore." Shepard laughed, "You have a great ass so it helps."

"I don't snore, you snore!" Joker scoffed pretending to be offended. "I need proof!"

"EDI? Can I get some confirmation over here?"

"You snore, Mr. Moreau." EDIs orb appeared in the corner.

"Ha! I told you!" Shepard laughed.

"As do you, Commander Shepard." EDIs orb disappeared

"Shit." Shepard shrugged, "guess we have to call it a tie."

"Guess so, now get over here and kiss me." Joker guided her mouth to his to kiss her gently, running his hands through her loose hair. Moving his attention to her neck he trailed kisses from her ear to her collarbone.

"Joker, stop…"Shepard pressed gently on his chest to get him to lean back.

"What's wrong?" Joker searched her face confused; they had shared a bed every night for about a month. Spending hours exploring each others bodies while waiting for the bone marrow to do its job. This was the first time that she had turned him down.

"Nothing, I just don't think I can handle the teasing tonight. I've had a really long day." Shepard sighed and flopped back onto her pillows not wanting to have the same argument they always had.

"Teasing?" Joker frowned, "I always…finish the job."

"Yes you do, but after a month…I…" Shepard stumbled over her words not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"Want more?" Joker offered as a frown crossed his face.

"Yeah, really badly, I know that you want to wait until you're 100% though." Shepard sighed and ran her hand over her face. "I love what we do, but after a day like today I really need more than that, so I'd rather have nothing than half of what I want."

Joker nodded and sighed, "I'm sorry, Kai, I just don't want our first time to be this awkward thing where we have to worry about me breaking."

"I don't worry about you breaking, you do." Shepard closed her eyes and played with her hair, "I know we could do it."

"You may be right," Joker pulled on Shepard's shoulder encouraging her to rest her head on his chest, "but I don't want to find out the hard way if you're wrong."

"Fair enough," Shepard felt herself drifting off to sleep the exhaustion on the day sinking in, "I love you."

"I love you, too." Joker kissed the top of her head and watched as she relaxed into sleep. Frowning against her hair he had to worry, would she stick around and wait while he got better? She had always said that she would, but he knew that she had other options and it had already been over a month. He couldn't blame her for being frustrated with the situation.

Vowing to make this a birthday she would remember to make it up to her he allowed himself to follow her into an uneasy sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard woke with a groan; today was Friday, which meant that it was her birthday. Reaching over for Joker she found the bed empty, "Jeff?"

"Mr. Moreau is in the mess hall Commander; he requests that you join him as soon as you're ready."

Shepard kicked the sheets back and swung her legs over the side of the bed, "oh dear, thanks EDI."

"Commander?"

"Yes EDI?" Shepard paused outside of the bathroom door, looking over at the blue orb.

"Happy Birthday."

Shepard smiled in spite of herself, "thank you EDI, I wish you could come with us tonight."

"I appreciate the thought Shepard, logging you out." EDIs blue orb disappeared into the stand and Shepard headed into the shower wondering to herself if an AI could appreciate something.

Pressing the button to the crew deck Shepard played with the ends of her wet hair, nervously running her fingers through it. Walking around the corner into the mess hall Shepard was stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. On one of the tables sat a huge glass vase full of sunflowers with a big yellow bow on it, surrounding it were dozens of other presents all wrapped in different colored paper.

"Surprise!" Joker stood up from his hiding spot behind the table and smiled at the shocked look on Shepard's face. "Come on guys, she's here!"

The med bay doors opened and Shepard watched as the crew filed out to greet her.

"Shit Joker, I think you broke her. I don't know if I've ever seen Shepard go this long without talking or shooting something." Jack slapped Shepard on the back, snapping her back into the present. "Happy birthday buddy."

Joker walked over and wrapped his arm around Shepard's shoulders and felt that she was shaking, "are you alright?"

Shepard nodded and took a step towards the sunflowers, gently running her fingers over the petals she felt the sting of tears, "yeah, just…overwhelmed." Shepard gently spun the vase to look at all the blooms, "Wow, I haven't seen a sunflower since my parents were killed."

Kasumi stepped out of the crowd, "Joker thought you would like them, I hope they're okay?"

Shepard nodded and laughed as she wiped the tears from her face with the back of her sleeve, "they're beautiful, Kasumi, thank you."

"When was the last time you did anything for your birthday, Shepard?" Tali pulled Shepard into a hug.

"Oh wow," Shepard thought about it, "16 years ago?"

"So you haven't done anything since you lost your parents?" Garrus sounded shocked.

"No," Shepard shook her head, "it's usually something you share with family. After the slavers came through I didn't have any family left, and I was so busy with Alliance training that it kind of got forgotten. Eventually I preferred it that way."

Joker handed Shepard a coffee and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her against him, "well, we're your family now, and in my family we have breakfast together to celebrate a birthday. Let's eat!"

There was a cheer in the crowd as the mass of people approached a line of tables that Shepard hadn't noticed yet; they were covered in heaps of food.

"Wow, who cooked?" Shepard looked over the spread of breakfast foods; there was everything even some grey mush that Garrus and Tali were all over.

"Liara had this catered for us, she couldn't be here but she sent you a card it's over on the table." Joker kissed the side of her neck, "go eat."

Shepard smiled and grabbed a plateful of food, merging into the crowd to join the festivities. Once the plates were cleared it was Jack that called attention back to the colorful table in the middle of the room.

"Dude, you going to open those or can I just take them into the cargo hold now?" Jack towed Shepard over to the table, "mines the one wrapped in black paper, open it first."

Shepard laughed and took the offered present, "you guys didn't need to do all of this, really."

"Well we did, so shut up and open it." Jack poked Shepard in arm, "or I'll keep poking you."

"Ok, ok fine!" Shepard held her hands up in surrender, "I'm opening it."

Pulling off the black paper Shepard found a black wooden box; gently opening the lid she found a beautiful silver blade with a thick black handle.

"Oh wow," Shepard pulled the knife out and spun it around her fingers a few times causing the majority of the crowd to take a few steps back. "It's beautifully balanced, great choice Jack it's awesome."

Jack smiled at the praise, "I guess you should open the rest even though mine's the coolest."

Shepard smiled and turned her attention back to the table, making quick work of the rest of the gifts. Once she was done opening everything she looked over the table, Garrus had gotten her a new sniper rifle, Thane had given her a Drell prayer book, Tali had bought her an upgraded Omni tool, and that was only what she could easily see on the top on the pile that was overwhelming the table.

"Wow guys, I'm speechless." Shepard shook her head and laughed. "You guys are amazing, thank you."

"Well there is one more thing," Joker walked up to Shepard smiling, "this is from me but I had a lot of help with it." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small black velvet box and handed it to Shepard.

"Jeff," Shepard looked over the box, "things in boxes this small are usually expensive…"

Joker laughed, "Yeah, well open it."

Finding the edge Shepard opened the box and gasped at what she saw. Sitting in the middle of the box was a sunflower made of dozens of gems attached to a thick gold chain. "Its…"Shepard took a breath trying to gather her thoughts, "perfect, will you put it on for me?"

Joker took the box from Shepard and pulled the necklace out, "turn around and move your hair." Gently working the clasp Joker kissed the back of her head when it was done up, "turn around and let me see."

Shepard turned back to face him and reached up to run her thumb across the face of the flower.

"EDI helped me find a jeweler on the Citadel that would custom design it, Miranda, Kasumi, and helped me pick the stones, Garrus and Jack picked it up for me, and Grunt…"Joker laughed, "did the stress tests on the chains to make sure that we found one that would last."

Shepard tried to swallow the lump in her throat, "I don't know what to say..."

"That you love me? That would be a good start." Joker opened his arms for a hug and Shepard launched herself into his chest.

"I love you," Shepard pulled his face down for a kiss and the crowd reacted with loud catcalls.

"Well now that the morning festivities are done, Shepard you're coming with us." Kasumi extended a hand towards Shepard.

"What?" Joker was confused, "why is she going with you?"

"Girls day," Jack pushed Joker away from Shepard and linked arms with her, "we have a surprise that you're going to like but it's going to take some time."

"Speaking of which, Joker you need to go meet Jacob in the armory, he's working with you this afternoon." Kasumi linked arms with Jack and headed towards her quarters, "be ready for 9."

"What do you guys have planned?" Shepard allowed herself to be towed into Kasumi's room, "girl's day?"

"We bought you an outfit for tonight, but we didn't want Joker to see it. We figured while we were dressing you we could give you a makeover too." Kasumi pushed Shepard onto the small couch in the middle of the room.

"You said the makeover thing; I'm just here for the booze." Jack made her way over to the bar and started mixing some cocktails.

"Better make that a double Jack," Shepard watched Kasumi stir a pot of what looked to be hot wax, "looks like with what Kasumi has planned I'm going to need it."

Several hours and numerous cocktails later Shepard couldn't believe the person that was staring back at her in the mirror. Her hair had been straightened and tied back into a high ponytail; Kasumi had left a few pieces of hair loose around her face to "soften the look". Her legs, and under her arms had been waxed to a smooth perfection and her eyebrows had been tamed accentuating the shape of her eyes. Kasumi had done Shepard's makeup too; a dark silver smoky eye with dark eyeliner framed her eyes giving her a seductive look.

It was the outfit however that made it, black latex leggings hugged her every curve and were tucked into black leather boots that had more of a heel than Shepard was used too but after a few test walks she had found they were easy to move in. The shirt, or what Jack had called a shirt, was only a black rectangle of latex, it had started out on a roll and Shepard had thought it was tape but under Jack's expert hands it had been transformed.

"I look naked," Shepard did another spin in front of the mirror, eyeing the low waistband on her leggings and assessing how much of her skin was showing.

"No, you look sexy." Jack downed the rest of her drink and slammed the glass onto the bar, "I'll admit Kasumi, and you're good with the makeup stuff."

Kasumi laughed, "Joker is going to die when he sees you, but we want the big reveal at the club so grab the leather jacket by the door on your way out."

Shepard pulled the soft leather around her and slid up the zipper feeling a little less naked she felt more confident, "alright, we ready to go?"

"You know it," Jack slapped Shepard on the shoulder as she walked by, "oh man Joker is going to flip."

Filing into the elevator with Kasumi and Jack Shepard pressed the button for the CIC, "maybe, but he's seen me naked, so why would an outfit make a difference?"

"It's what he can't see, and we all know he loves your wings, and they are on display tonight." Kasumi straightened the collar of the jacket Shepard was wearing, "or they will be."

The doors of the elevator opened to reveal the rest of the crew waiting; it was Garrus that drew the attention of the crowd.

"Shepard, you look like a girl...I mean you look nice…" Garrus' dual tone voice carried loudly over the chatter causing the group to turn and look.

"Hey, let me see, she is my girlfriend after all." Joker pushed his way through the group and felt his jaw drop.

"You like?" Shepard did a slow spin before walking up to Joker; Jacob must have dressed him because he was wearing well-fitted black pants and a black button down shirt that she had never seen. He was still wearing a hat, but thankfully it didn't have a Cerberus logo on it.

"Um that's a bit of an understatement," Joker ran his hands down the smooth leather of the jacket; "you look amazing."

Shepard smiled and headed over to the armory, "I just need one more thing."

"You aren't going to ruin all my hard work with a gun are you?" Kasumi frowned, "you'll be fine without one for one night."

"Sorry Kasumi," Shepard pulled the Hand Cannon off the wall and searched through a small box for her thigh holster that she had bought ages ago but never used, "always prepared for the worst, you know that."

"What could go wrong?" Kasumi watched with a grim expression as Shepard clicked the holster into place.

"Oh I don't know, we're going to Afterlife, surrounded by mercs…" Shepard smiled, "I wore my small holster, so it doesn't ruin your outfit." Shepard walked out and saw the crew looking at her with the same expression as Kasumi.

"Okay look," Shepard pointed at the crew, "other than Grunt none of you are currently armed-"

"I'm biotic, I'm always armed." Jack cut in looking offended.

"Yes, YOU are but I'm not." Shepard crossed her arms across her chest, "I'm taking the gun, end of discussion."

"I like it," Joker wrapped his arm around Shepard's shoulders, "it suits you."

"Fine, the gun stays. Now let's go party." Kasumi headed towards the airlock with the crew in tow headed towards Afterlife.

Joker fell back in step with Shepard who was absently playing with her new necklace, "do you like it?"

Shepard looked up and flushed, "best gift I've ever been given, thank you."

Joker smiled, "in that case I think you owe me another kiss."

Shepard watched as the rest of the crew made the right turn to get into the club before shoving Joker against the wall where she had first met Zaeed.

"What are you doing?" Joker tried to get the air back in his lungs; she had never been that rough with him before, while it didn't hurt thanks to his recent surgery his body was certainly stunned.

"You wanted a kiss?" Shepard pushed her body against Jokers, running one hand up the back of his neck to pull him into a kiss.

Joker moaned against Shepard's mouth, Shepard was extremely sexy when she was in charge of things. Joker could feel the blood pooling in between his legs, pulling Shepard closer he rocked against her. Shepard slid a hand between them to grab Joker's growing arousal giving it a firm squeeze and forcing a moan from Joker's throat before leaning up to whisper in his ear.

"You are leaving me very sexually frustrated Mr. Moreau, I want your cock inside of me," Shepard gave another squeeze, "soon."

Shepard took two steps back and gave Joker a wink before turning and walking to the club.

As the blood returned to Joker's brain he realized that he had been left behind and took off after Shepard's disappearing form.

"Hey!" Shepard slowed enough for Joker to catch up, "that wasn't very fair…"

"Nope," Shepard flashed a dangerous smile and Joker's heart skipped a beat. "Sure wasn't."

Everyone had gathered outside of Afterlife, Kasumi appeared to be yelling at the Elcor at the front door.

"Do you have any idea who I'm here with?" Kasumi's face was flushed under her hood.

"Uninterested response: No, who?" The Elcor looked bored, then again Elcor always looked bored.

"Me," Shepard parted the crowd and rested her hand on her hip, she felt sexy and right now she knew that she looked sexy. Kasumi had mentioned that heels could bring out another personality in a woman; Shepard thought that if that was the case if she came back from facing the Collectors she was going shoe shopping.

"Unimpressed: Who are you?"

"Commander Kai Shepard," Shepard moved her hand from her hip to the gun resting at her thigh, "I'm going to assume you're new, because anyone who works here knows that I'm a VIP. Now, open the door like a good doorman or I'll open it for you."

"Barely contained terror: Of course, please go in." The Elcor pressed the button on the door and stepped aside.

"Thank you," Shepard walked close enough to the doorman that the large alien noticeably shook, "you're too kind."

Walking down the hallway to Afterlife Jack let out a laugh, "shit Shepard, what's gotten into you? You're no renegade!"

"No kidding," Joker's eyes were trained on Shepard's latex covered backside, "kind of sexy though."

Shepard looked over her shoulder and caught him staring, "glad you approve Mr. Moreau."

Garrus nudged Joker with his elbow, "she drunk?"

"Not that I know of, but she's been with Jack all day." Joker laughed and followed Shepard into the main part of the club.

Shepard paused for a minute letting the dark rhythm of the music consume her senses, closing her eyes she felt her body relax into the beat. It was sexy, almost on the edge of threatening and Shepard loved it.

"Come on buddy," Jack clapped Shepard on the shoulder, "first one is on me, we got to get you liquored up so you can do your big reveal to Joker."

"Sounds like a plan," walking over to her favorite Turian bartender she motioned for a drink, turning to Joker she spoke loudly over the music, "you want something?"

Joker nodded, "beer me."

Shepard laughed and nodded to the bartender, "you heard the man."

The Turian make quick work of the drinks before leaning over towards Shepard, "Aria sends her best wishes, first round is on her."

Shepard turned to face Aria's look out and found the Asari looking down at her, raising her glass in a toast she downed the drink in one gulp. Jack laughed, "Atta girl Shepard!"

Shepard signaled for another drink and downed that one much the same, "I'm a marine, Jack, I could probably drink you under the table."

"Well you're certainly going to drink Tali under the table," Jack pointed over to the booth that contained Jacob, Miranda and Tali, Shepard watched as Tali started to play with Miranda's hair much to the annoyance of the Cerberus Operative.

"How many had she had?" Joker was watching the Quarian with mild interest.

"Two," Jack laughed, "I'm not carrying her back to the ship."

Shepard ordered another drink for herself and another beer for Joker, taking the beer he frowned, "you better take it easy Hun or you're going to be paying for it tomorrow."

"I'll be fine," Shepard tossed back the drink, "Cerberus upgraded my liver, it's almost impossible for me to get drunk, and when I do I'm almost never hung over the next day."

"Hey Shepard," Kasumi interrupted the conversation before Joker could respond, "you want to come and dance?"

The music changed to a dark drumbeat and Shepard smiled at Kasumi, "let's do it."

"It's going to be hot, you may want to leave your jacket with Joker." Kasumi smiled.

"Right you are Kasumi." Shepard turned to Joker and leaned forwards to speak into his ear, "would you watch my jacket?"

Joker nodded and held out an arm for the jacket, Shepard slowly pulled down the zipper before letting the soft leather slide down her arms. Handing the jacket over to Joker Shepard slowly turned in place before grabbing Kasumi's hand and walking out to the dance floor.

Joker could tell he looked surprised, looking over at the booth that the crew had claimed as their own for the evening he could tell he wasn't the only one feeling that way. Making his way over to the group he sat down.

"What the hell is she wearing?" Tali's speech was slurred, "She looks like Jack."

"I don't know," Joker watched Shepard with interest, she wasn't dancing yet just standing and leaning into talk with Kasumi. Deciding to see if she had left her earpiece in he pressed on his own before speaking. "Hey, how about seeing some of this dancing you say you're so good at?"

Shepard stood up straight and turned to face the table, Joker laughed, she had heard him. A smile crossed Shepard's face and she started dancing the way he had always seen, bobbing up and down to the music moving her arms like wings.

Shepard stopped her dancing and turned to Kasumi, an amused look on her face, "watch this."

Reaching up to touch her ear she met Joker's gaze and dropped her voice to the low tone that she usually saved for the bedroom, "no good?" Joker shook his head and laughed, the crew around him laughed too clearly in on the joke.

Shepard smiled, "is this better?"

Slowly swaying her hips to the music she picked up the tempo as the song sped up, closing her eyes and moving with the beat blocking out anything but the way the music told her body to move. Shepard had always been a great dancer; music spoke to her in ways that let her block the stress of her everyday life. Before the slavers had taken over her colony she had always been the first girl to get asked to the dances.

"Wow," Joker's voice was low in her ear; Shepard looked over at the table and saw the crew watching her with interest.

Turning around to face Kasumi they fell into a rhythm together, their bodies rolling against one another in time with the beat. Shepard moved behind Kasumi resting her hands on the smaller woman's frame not breaking the movement of the dance.

"You have Jacob's attention Kasumi," Shepard moved her face in close to Kasumi's neck and watched as Jacob's jaw dropped.

Kasumi laughed, "About time too, I think Joker may have a stroke if you keep this up."

"That's ok, it doesn't hurt to get him a little hot under the collar." Shepard pressed her hand to her ear, "enjoying the show Mr. Moreau?"

Joker nodded from the table, unable to stand up from his seat knowing that his body would betray him and let Shepard know just how much he was enjoying it. He was alone now, the rest of the crew had gone out onto the dance floor to join Shepard and Kasumi, even Tali and Garrus were dancing even if it was mostly Garrus holding Tali up while she spun in a slow circle laughing.

The music slowed down as one song changed into another, "I'm going to go and get another drink," Shepard grabbed Kasumi by the hips and pushed her over to where Jacob was standing, "hey Taylor, dance with Kasumi for me?" Jacob smiled and nodded, leading Kasumi onto the dance floor.

Shepard turned to look at Joker, "you want another drink?" Joker nodded and Shepard was glad that she had decided to keep her earpiece in and Omni tool on, talking in a club was such a pain without it.

Retrieving the drinks from the bar Shepard made her way over to the table and sat down next to Joker, watching the crew interact with mild interest.

"Having fun?" Joker wrapped an arm over Shepard's shoulder.

Shepard nodded, "I guess birthday's aren't as bad as I thought."

Joker laughed, "Told you so." Shepard shifted forward in her seat, suddenly focused on something, "what's wrong?"

Shepard raised her hand and pointed to where Tali stood in the crowd, a large Turian was pushing Garrus out of the way and grabbing at Tali. Even over the music and the chatter Shepard could hear Tali squeal as the Turian grabbed her.

"That's it," Shepard stood quickly making her way around the table, Joker following behind her.

Clearing the distance of the dance floor took seconds; Shepard walked up behind the Turian and pushed Garrus aside tapping the stranger on the shoulder.

The Turian had Tali by the arms, rubbing his talons over her suit in a threatening way. Tali was shaking, which only fueled Shepard's rage.

"Hey sweet cheeks, problem?" The Turian pulled Tali closer causing a scared squeak to come from the Quarian.

Reaching for the gun on her thigh Shepard pulled it out and took aim for the Turian's head, "I'd say so," there was no trace of intoxication in her voice, she was calm and focused a prime example of her N7 training, "you're touching my Quarian."


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: We're almost at the end folks, I have one more Chapter in with by lovely beta Alilypea and one more to write and then it's finished! Thank you for your patience while I work this story line out.**

**I don't own Mass Effect, nor do I make any money from this.**

"Your Quarian?" The Turian grabbed at Tali's hips pulling her flush against him, "she looks like my Quarian right now."

Garrus was growling, a low rumble that Shepard was only aware of because of how close he was standing. "Let her go."

"Oh I don't think so, I think I'm going to get to know her real well tonight," the Turian was laughing.

"I don't think you're going to get the chance," Shepard took a step forward, gun still trained on the strangers face, "if you don't let her go in the next 60 seconds the only thing you're going to be doing tonight is dying."

"I'm not scared of you," the Turian smiled, his mandibles flaring.

"Shepard…" Tali was crying now, her body shaking.

"You're doing really good Tali, just keep calm okay?" Shepard kept her eyes trained on her target, aware of some movement to her left where Joker was standing.

The Turian turned his eyes to whatever had caught Shepard's attention the second before, "would you get rid of her? The gun is ruining my night."

"Kai!" Joker shouted a warning as a Krogan stepped out of the crowd and made to grab onto Shepard.

Shepard only took her eyes off of Tali's captor for the second it took to line up the shot before pulling the trigger and stepping aside to allow the Krogan to fall to her feet dead before swinging the gun back.

"Let her go, or you die." Shepard was furious, she knew that she could take the shot right now and not hit Tali, but even the small risk that she might be wrong wasn't worth it, she had told Garrus off for doing the same thing.

The gun shot had parted made a small gap in the dance floor and alerted the rest of the crew to the problem; quickly they formed a circle around Shepard.

"Looks like you're out numbered, and I'm running out of patience. Grunt can you grab this for me? I'd like to have a talk with him outside." Shepard holstered her gun as the Turian turned to see who she had been speaking too.

Grunt made quick work of the order, picking the Turian up by his cowl and leg spur. Tali dropped to the floor shaking; now loudly sobbing.

"Joker, grab Tali and meet us by the transit terminal, it should be pretty empty right now. " Not looking back Shepard made her way to the door, the crowd parting to let her through.

"Put me down!" The Turian slammed his fists against Grunt.

"Stop it, Turian. If I had it my way you would be dead already." Grunt walked right at Shepard's heel, the weight of carrying the alien not slowing his step. "We are going to kill him right?"

"It's going to be up to Tali," Shepard stopped when they reached the empty transit terminal, looking over Grunt's shoulder she could see Tali coming Joker supporting her weight.

Shepard extended her hand to Tali, "are you alright?"

"Shaken up, but I'll be fine." Tali sounded a bit more under control, though her speech was still slightly slurred, "what are we going to do with him?"

"Well that's going to be up to you," Shepard turned to Joker, "can you stand with Tali please?"

Joker walked up and held his hand out to Tali like Shepard had, Tali quickly grabbed it and stood close to him. Joker wondered if it was a way of comforting Quarian's or if it was just something that Shepard did. Looking back at Shepard, Joker watched her walk up to Grunt.

"Put him down," Shepard placed her hands on her hips and Joker immediately knew that the Turian was in for more trouble than he knew.

Grunt not being one for pleasantries let go of his grip and dropped the Turian on the floor, "he's all yours, Shepard."

"What are we going to do with you?" Shepard circled the alien who was scrambling to get to his feet.

"Nothing, I'm out of here." The Turian turned and made to run.

Joker watched as Shepard reached out before the Turian had even made a step grabbing him by the leg spur and the back of the fringe dropping him to the floor with a painful growl.

Shepard hooked her fingers under one of the mandibles of the Turian and dragged him three steps towards Tali and Joker. Tali curled against Joker and started to shake again, Joker rubbed her back in what he hoped was a soothing way.

"Let's start with a name shall we?" Shepard let go of the mandible but kept her hand on the fringe giving it a painful squeeze.

"Aetius," The Turian was gasping, the pain in his fringe almost unbearable.

"Well Aetius, let me introduce myself," Shepard let go and moved to stand by Joker and Tali, drawing her gun. "My name is Commander Kai Shepard, and if you move I will kill you."

"Com... The Commander Shepard?" Aetius stumbled but didn't move.

"Last time I checked, now I think you owe Tali an apology."

"Hey, it was just a bit of fun, I didn't mean anything by it." Aetius looked up and raised his hands in surrender.

Shepard pressed the buttons on the side of her gun bringing up the incendiary ammunition, "let me say that just one more time, you owe Tali an apology or we'll see just how hot you are."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean anything by it I swear." Aetius shrugged, "it was just a joke."

Shepard glared down at him before turning to Tali, "it's up to you Tali, if you want him dead I'll kill him for you."

Tali considered it for a moment before walking up to Aetius and punching him as hard as she could, knocking him over. "Let him go, if we ever see him causing problems again then we can kill him."

Shepard nodded, lowering her gun and dropping it back into place on her thigh. "You heard her; if you so much as breathe wrong I'll hunt you down."

Aetius stood up slowly, rubbing the side of his face with a hint of anger. "Fine, I'm out of here."

Shepard nodded to signal the crew to step aside to let Aetius pass.

Aetius was grumbling, "I didn't want the suit rat anyway…"

The crew gasped, Shepard reached down into her boot where she had stashed the knife Jack gave her earlier. "Move!" The crew parted quickly at the command quickly, Shepard swung her arm in a practiced movement, letting the knife slide out of her fingers.

Aetius dropped to his knees when the knife found its home in his lower back, "fuck!"

The crew scrambled after Shepard as she stalked up to Aetius, wondering what she would do next.

"Think you're funny?" Shepard was seething, "not so fucking funny now are you?"

"You missed," Aetius hissed when Shepard grabbed onto the handle of the knife holding it still.

"I didn't miss," Shepard leaned over his shoulder, "I wasn't aiming for your head, I was aiming for your lung." Twisting the handle of the knife roughly Shepard pulled it out of the Turian's back.

"Everyone back to the Normandy," Jack opened her mouth to protest but the look on Shepard's face stopped her, "now."

Shepard walked back to Joker who was wearing a very stunned expression, extending her hand that wasn't holding the knife to Tali she took the Quarian under her arm before looking back to Joker.

"What?" Shepard lead Tali back towards the ship with Joker following close behind, "you look shocked."

"I am," Joker shrugged, "I guess I've never really seen you in combat mode up close."

"Ah," Shepard nodded, "scare you?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to be on your bad side." Joker decided to be honest.

"You're not on my bad side though, and I wouldn't do that to you even if you were." Shepard keyed in the password to open the doors to the Normandy.

"I'll clean your knife for you Shepard," Jack took the blade out of Shepard's hand; "I'll bring it back in the morning."

"You okay Shepard?" Garrus looked sheepish, "I'm sorry I couldn't deal with the situation, you're right we should always be prepared."

"It's ok Garrus," Shepard smiled, "no one knew it was going to be this exciting tonight."

"I don't get it," Joker looked at Shepard, "why didn't you just kill him?"

"I did."

"No, you got him in the lung that can heal." Joker was confused.

"Not on Turians," Garrus shook his head, "unless he has Cerberus hookups he'll be dead by morning."

Joker felt his jaw drop, and Shepard just shrugged. "I don't accept that kind of talk, not towards strangers and not towards my family."

"How are you holding up Tali?" Garrus reached a hand out to touch Tali's shoulder, Tali flinched and pulled back. Garrus tried to not show this disappointment he felt, Tali smiled softly.

"I'd like to go to bed," Tali's voice was strained with emotion, "I'm sorry Garrus, I'm not upset with you I just don't know if I can be touched right now."

Shepard turned towards the elevator, "I'll walk you to your room."

Pressing the button for the crew deck Shepard watched the doors slide shut "are you okay Tali?"

Tali shook her head slowly before dropping to the floor sobbing, Joker quickly dropped to his knees beside her trying to calm her down.

"EDI, Capitan's quarters please." Leaning over Shepard picked Tali up into her arms and stood up slowly, cradling Tali in her arms.

"Holy cow," Joker was impressed, "you are strong."

"Upgrades," Shepard nodded, "lots of them."

The door to the elevator opened and Joker rushed ahead to open the door. Shepard took the few steps down to the bed turning to sit on the edge with Tali still in her arms.

"Hey, hey now." Shepard rubbed Tali's back and dropped her voice to the same tone her Mother had used with her when she was upset, "hush, you're ok."

"Joker, can you go and get her a drink from her fridge?" Shepard didn't take her eyes off of Tali.

"Uh sure, what am I looking for?" Joker had never been into the Turian/Quarian fridge.

"Something purple, it'll be in a tall bottle. Make sure that you grab a straw."

"You remembered," Tali spoke between sobs, "my favorite."

Joker nodded and headed towards the door, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Shepard gently shifted Tali so she was sitting on the bed rather than her lap, "I'm just going to change ok? I'll still be right here but I need to take the gun off and get out of these pants."

Tali nodded, calming down. "Thanks for standing up for me Shepard, I appreciate it."

Shepard dropped the gun with its holster on her dressed before slipping out of the leggings and pulling on a pair of sweat pants. Giving up on removing her shirt she decided instead to cut it with a nearby knife before pulling one of Joker's old t-shirts on. Taking her hair out of the ponytail Shepard dropped back onto the bed next to Tali.

"Not a problem, it was the right thing to do and you're family." Shepard looked into the silver eyes reflecting at her from behind the purple mask, "I'm surprised that you were so upset though, I've seen you take worse than that."

"Yeah," Tali looked down, "a lot of stress lately I guess, too much to handle."

"Want to talk about it?" Shepard took one of Tali's hands in her own.

Tali paused for a minute hearing the door opening signaling Joker's return. Taking the purple bottle from Joker she nodded her thanks.

"Do you want him to leave?" Shepard could sense Tali's hesitance.

"No, Joker can stay. It's just hard to talk to you about this." Tali trailed off, "I think it'll seem stupid to you."

"She'll probably surprise you Tali," Joker dropped down on the couch giving the girls their space.

"Ok," Tali turned back to Shepard, "I'm scared…"

"Of what?" Shepard wrapped her arms around Tali's shoulders, "I'll kill it for you."

Tali let out a brief chuckle before breaking down into tears again, "you can't…"

Pulling Tali back onto her lap Shepard frowned, "hey, tell me what's bothering you, there's no need for all these tears."

Tali sobbed harder, burying her head into Shepard's neck. Looking over at Joker he just shrugged letting Shepard know that he had no idea what was going on.

"Talk to me Tali," Shepard traced circles on Tali's back, "let me help."

"I'm scared of dying Shepard. I'm so young; I have so much I want to do. The Collectors are just around the corner and we probably won't come back…" Tali trailed off into another fit of violent sobs.

"Well I understand that Tali, that's not stupid." Shepard rested her chin on the top of Tali's head pulling her against her body tighter. "You're so brave and so mature sometimes I forget that you're so much younger than the rest of us, you don't have to come Tali, I won't ask you to do the mission." Shepard pulled back to make Tali face her, "if you say the word Tali I will take you back to the flotilla tomorrow."

"I can't abandon you Shepard," Tali sounded shocked.

"You wouldn't be," Shepard smiled, "you've helped me every step of the way, and you've been a very important part of the team but I won't ask you to come if you want to go back."

"I can't," Tali wasn't crying now, Shepard's idea had shocked her into a calm.

"You can, and it will be ok. The thought of dying is scary Tali, I can't ask you to face that. Sleep on it tonight, think about it and if you want to go home tomorrow I will arrange for it to happen."

Joker watched the exchange with interest, tonight he had seen solider Shepard up close and personal and now he was seeing Shepard in another way he hadn't seen before. Sitting on the bed with her arms around Tali he was seeing a nurturing Shepard, and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Did it hurt?"

Joker watched Shepard's face as she reacted to Tali's question; Shepard's eyes lost their focus as she tried to remember all the details.

"No it didn't hurt," Shepard shook her head, "I remember feeling the air running out, and trying to get a breath hurt for a little bit but it was no worse than anything I had encountered before. I took my last breath and then…" Shepard trailed off, furrowing her eyebrows, "nothing."

"Nothing?" Joker couldn't stop himself from asking, causing both women to turn and look at him.

"Nothing," Shepard smiled, "it was beautiful, it was calm. I felt like I was asleep, but that nice heavy sleep that you're aware of. The kind of sleep that you have when you know that you have nothing waiting for you for the rest of the day. Nothing hurt, I was…happy."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Tali had moved to sit beside Shepard and was sipping her drink slowly.

"It wasn't bad," Shepard looked between them, "it was probably the only time I've ever been able to sleep that long."

Tali laughed, "You're spending too much time with Joker if you can make jokes about that." Standing up Tali walked to the door, "thank you Shepard, and you Joker. I'll think about what you've offered but right now I just want to go to bed."

"Do you want me to walk you down?" Shepard walked to the door.

"No, I'll be ok now." Tali pulled Shepard into a hug; "I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Ok Tali, good night." Shepard waved as Tali walked into the elevator and disappeared from her sight.

Walking back towards the bed she looked over at the clock on her bedside table, "oh my god you have to be joking, it's only 12:30?"

"Yep, tired already old lady?" Joker stood up and pulled Shepard into his arms.

"You bet, and I'm dying to get this makeup off my face." Shepard pulled a face, "It feels all heavy."

"You looked amazing tonight," Joker bent to place a kiss on the side of Shepard's neck, "and you can dance."

"I told you," Shepard turned to head to the bathroom, "I'm going to take this paint off and I'll be back."

Joker reached for the buttons of his shirt, getting undressed and sliding into bed waiting for Shepard to come back. He couldn't get over how calm she had seemed while talking about her death, a part of him was wondering if she had just made it up to make Tali feel better even though it didn't really seem like the kind of thing that Shepard would do.

"Hey," Shepard was pulling his shirt over her head leaving her topless and Joker breathless, "you think that hard you might hurt yourself."

Joker watched Shepard slip out of her pants and slide into the bed next to him before deciding to talk, "was that really what it was like?"

Shepard immediately knew what Joker was talking about, "for the most part, being dead doesn't hurt. The moment where your body shuts down doesn't hurt however the situation that leads you to that moment can."

Joker just nodded, looking at his hands, "that actually makes me feel kind of better about the whole thing; at least I know you weren't suffering."

"If you wanted to know, why didn't you ask?" Shepard punched her pillow before lying back, "I would have told you."

"I didn't want to hear the answer if it was something bad," Joker rolled onto his side to look at Shepard, "are you really going to let her go?"

"If she asks yes, I would let any of you go if you asked it." Shepard closed her eyes trying to let the tension of the day leave her body.

"Even me?"

"Even you, I would never ask you to do anything you didn't want too." Shepard's voice had dropped as her exhaustion crept through her body.

"Go to sleep Kai, I love you." Joker placed a gentle kiss on Shepard's lips.

"I love you, too." Shepard took a deep breath and felt herself drift off into sleep.

The next morning Shepard called the crew into the briefing room to plan the day, "good morning everyone."

The greeting from the crew wasn't as lively as it usually was most of the team nursing bad hangovers.

"EDI has told me that the IFF has been installed but she would like to run some tests on it before we actually use it so we're in the shuttle today. Tali, what's on the agenda?"

Tali looked up from her Omni tool, she knew what Shepard was doing, and this was Shepard's way of asking about their conversation from the night before. "Well Commander, I believe Legion has something that he needs help with."

"Is that all?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Commander."

"Glad to hear it, well let's head to the shuttle and go deal with some Geth." Shepard walked up to Joker, "the ships in your hands now Joker, take care of her."

"Aye aye, Commander," Joker smiled, "don't be late for dinner."

"Yes dear," Shepard shooed the crowd out as the cat calls started, "enough, come on we've got geth to shoot."

"I love you," Joker called out just before Shepard's form disappeared from the door.

"I love you too Jeff, I'll be back before you know it." Blowing Joker a kiss Shepard walked to the shuttle ready to face what today had for her.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: A big thank you to Alilypea for going through my terrible grammar. This is the second last chapter dear readers, we're almost at the end. There is some sexy time in this chapter (finally) and I hope you enjoy it! I don't own Mass Effect, nor do I make any money from this. **

The crew was gone; Shepard ran her hands over her face as she looked at the galaxy map with blurred vision, letting out a loud sigh. Shepard had a feeling that eventually the Collectors would track them down, but she never thought that they would take the entire crew.

"Are you alright Shepard?" EDIs voice came over the speaker above Shepard's head.

"No, I'm not even close to alright. All the crew is gone, I almost lost Joker." Shepard's voice broke, "I'm about to go through the Omega four relay and I have no idea what I'm going to find or if I'll be able to help the crew."

"My research shows that if anyone can pull this off it's you, Shepard."

"Thanks EDI," Shepard didn't ask for the odds, she already knew that they weren't in her favor. Selecting the Omega four relay Shepard turned towards the elevator, "let's see if you're right."

"ETA is four hours Commander; actually, you better make that six we should really stop for fuel." Joker's voice came over the speaker.

"Can EDI get us to the relay?" Shepard paused, "I'd like to spend some time with you before everything goes down."

"Of course, Shepard." EDIs orb appeared in front of the elevator door, "Tali would like to speak to you, and I have directed her to your cabin."

"I'll get us to the fueling station; I'll be up after that."

"Ok Jeff, see you in a bit." Shepard pressed the button for her cabin and rested against the wall for the slow elevator ride up.

Opening the door into her quarters Shepard found Tali sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Tali?" Shepard's voice drew Tali's attention, "everything ok?"

"Yes, no…"Tali shook her head, "I have a problem."

"Ok, what's your problem?" Shepard was concerned; hoping that Tali wasn't going to ask to be taken back to the fleet now, every second could mean the crew dying.

"I'm in love with Garrus," Tali laughed, "and the whole idea is so crazy I'm not sure what to do. I mean who starts a relationship six hours before a suicide mission?"

"Oh, wow." Shepard wasn't really surprised; she had caught Tali watching Garrus when she thought he wasn't looking. "So how can I help?"

"I don't know," Tali looked down, "I don't want to die knowing that he never saw me, the real me out side of this suit. I thought that considering you're with Joker maybe you could give me some tips?"

Shepard flushed, "I can give you tips, but it won't be based on Joker…we haven't, well you know…"

"Really?" Tali was stunned, "but you've been together for months!"

"Yeah I know," Shepard sat beside Tali, "but he wanted to wait until he was fully healed before we tried, we've done other things but not…that."

"Oh," Tali paused, "do you think tonight?"

"No," Shepard shrugged, "after what he's been through today I don't think he's going to be in the mood."

"Sorry, Shepard," Tali patted Shepard's thigh, "that's got to be frustrating."

Shepard nodded, "pretty much sucks, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin." Shepard grabbed Tali's hand and stood up, "but I can help you. So help me god, one of us is getting laid tonight."

Tali giggled, "Okay, where do we start?"

"Where else," Shepard walked over to her computer, "the extranet, I've never slept with a Turian before."

Joker walked out of the elevator and headed towards the door, stopping in his tracks when he heard a strange noise, was that giggling? Pressing the button to open the door for Shepard's quarters he let out a huff as Tali ran into him.

"Oh sorry Joker!" Tali waved and headed towards the elevator, "thanks again Shepard!"

"No problem girl, go get him and rock his world," Shepard winked causing Tali to laugh again, "yes, Commander!"

Shepard chuckled pulling Joker by the arm into her room, "well that was the strangest conversation that I've ever had."

"Who is she going after?" Joker glanced at Shepard's computer screen on his way past. "Are you watching porn?"

Shepard smiled, "its research, Tali is on her way to the main battery."

"Garrus?" Joker laughed. "The girl in the enviro-suit is going to the guy with the longest talons on the ship?"

"Apparently so, and judging by what I just saw on those vids she's in for a hell of a night." Shepard dropped down onto the couch.

"More than I needed to know," Joker dropped down beside Shepard and studied her face. "You ready for this?"

"Not even slightly," Shepard frowned and shook her head. "But I don't have a choice now, not when they have the crew. Are you okay? You've had one hell of a bad day."

"I'm fine, I took a pretty bad fall but thanks to the surgery nothing's broken." Joker pulled Shepard against him and took one of her hands in his. "So you're about to hit the Omega four relay, do you have any big words of wisdom you'd like to share? Any regrets in your life?"

Shepard thought about it for a second before answering, "Just one."

Joker frowned, picking up her meaning, "I'm sorry, Kai, and I know it's always been me putting a hold on things. Maybe if I had my surgery earlier-"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shepard turned to look at him, not dropping his hand. "Do you think I'm talking about sex?"

"You weren't?" Joker was curious. "So what were you talking about?"

"No I wasn't talking about sex, though I guess it would factor in." Shepard looked down at their hands, "I regret that I may not be able to see how far this goes."

"What do you mean?"

Shepard sighed, "You know, the future. Marriage? Kids? If the Collectors and the Reapers weren't a threat where would we end up?"

"You want kids?" Joker was surprised.

"Yeah, I always have." Shepard smiled. "A boy ideally, someone I could take to the gun range on the weekends."

"Wow," Joker smiled, "you would want to do that with me?"

"Well yeah," Shepard blushed. "I've been in love with you for years, I admire your skill as a pilot, your bravery as a man. You're a kind, compassionate man who loves me. Why wouldn't I want to see that reach its full potential?"

Joker frowned, "you're talking like you don't think you're going to make it back."

"I don't know, Jeff," Shepard shrugged. "I'm going to try but I'm going against something that I can't even plan for."

"Yeah, I know," Joker ran his hand through Shepard's hair. "You have to come back to me though."

"I'm going to try," Shepard leaned into Joker's hand. "I need you to promise me something."

"Sure, what?"

"If there is a chance that you can save the crew you have to take it, even if it means leaving me behind." Shepard met Joker's stunned gaze with hers.

"Kai, you can't ask me that," Joker frowned. "You know I can't promise that"

"You have to," Shepard squeezed his hand. "You're the only one that get them out of there safely."

"I can't leave you, Kai," Joker could feel his eyes fill with tears. "I can't, don't ask me to."

"Please, Jeff," Shepard wiped Jokers tears as they started to fall. "You're all my family, I need to know that you're all going to be okay."

Joker took a shuddering breath, "only if you tell me to go. I'm not going to make that call."

Shepard pulled Joker into a hug. "Thank you, you're the only one that I would trust with this."

"You're going to fight to come back to me right?" Joker's voice cracked. "You're going to come home?"

"I'm going to try my very hardest," Shepard kissed Joker's forehead. "I'll do everything I can."

"EDI, how much longer do we have?" Joker sat back and wiped his face with his sleeve.

"We just finished re-fueling, ETA is five hours."

"Thanks EDI," Joker looked up at Shepard's face who was regarding him with concern. "So, what do you want to do?"

Shepard shrugged, "I usually just chill before battle, maybe work out. I'll leave it up to you."

"Well, if this really may be the last few hours that we have together I think I'd like to be kissing you."

"I like your plan Mr. Moreau," Shepard leaned forwards to pull Joker into a kiss, swinging her leg over his to straddle him. Joker tensed for a minute before relaxing, while he still wasn't used to having Shepard in this position, but she was always very careful.

"Someone's feeling a little friendly tonight," Joker placed a trail of kisses down Shepard's neck causing her to grind against his lap.

"I could say the same for you," Shepard reached for the bottom of her shirt pulling over her head in a quick movement and tossing it across the room, leaving only her sports bra between them.

"Kai, why're you getting naked?" Joker ran his hands up her sides, trailing his fingers over the smooth skin.

Shepard flinched and pulled back before muttering, "wishful thinking."

Joker frowned at the sudden change in Shepard. "What did you just say?"

Shepard fought to put on her best Commander face, trying to stop the sting of rejection from showing, "nothing, don't worry about it. I'm going to grab a drink of water I'll be back in a second."

Shepard walked to the bathroom quickly, shutting the door behind her. Joker looked at the closed door, confused and unsure of what had caused the change.

"Tali is requesting entry," EDI appeared in the corner drawing Joker away from his inner reflection.

"Sure, let her in." Joker stood to make his way towards the door.

Tali walked into the room and looked around. "Where's Shepard?"

"The bathroom," Joker shrugged. "I think I upset her, but I'm not sure what I did."

Tali sighed, "Joker, are you planning on sleeping with her tonight?"

Joker flushed a dark red at the question, "I sleep with Shepard every night."

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Tali put her hands on her hips and Joker wondered if that was a stance all women did when they were mad at someone or if she had picked it up from Shepard.

"I'm not sure if I want to talk about this," Joker walked back over to the couch sitting down he hunched over, burying his face in his hands. "It's complicated."

"Because you're making it complicated, Shepard loves you Joker." While Joker couldn't see it he was sure Tali was frowning behind her mask.

"Tali?" The bathroom door opened and Shepard walked out, her face flushed. "Why aren't you with Garrus?"

"Have you been crying?" Tali walked over to Shepard and grabbed her hand. "Where's your shirt?"

"No, I'm fine." Shepard pointed to the floor, "there's my shirt, now why are you here?"

"Um, we need…" Tali rubbed the back of her head, "…you know…"

"Of course, I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier." Shepard walked over to her bedside cabinet and pulled out a small metal tin handing it to Tali, "better safe than sorry."

"Want me to stay and knock some sense into him?" Tali tilted her head towards Joker.

"No, I want you to go downstairs and get laid," Shepard pushed Tali towards the door. "I better feel the ship rocking."

Tali let herself be pushed into the hall before shouting over her shoulder, "well, then Joker better get to work!"

"Were you crying?" Joker took the few stairs to stand in front of Shepard and crossed his arms, "tell me the truth."

"Yes," Shepard shrugged, "if you really want to know."

"Why? What did I do?" Joker was frustrated.

In a split second Shepard felt her emotions reach a boiling point, the hurt of rejection backed by months of sexual frustration causing her tone to be short. "You don't want to hear it, so why are you even asking?"

Joker winced at the hostility in Shepard's voice. "Because I don't want to spend the next four hours with you mad at me, and I don't even know what I did wrong!"

"Fine," Shepard started pacing. "I'm pent up as hell, Jeff, and I'm distracted all the time. I don't know if I've ever been more sexually frustrated in my life, I can't get sex with you out of my head. EDI actually alerted Miranda to my "sudden drop in performance" because I get so carried away with my day dreams I'm getting shot more than ever."

"You've seen a 27% increase in damage to your equipment on average, Shepard. I felt that I should inform Miranda for your safety." EDIs voice came over the speaker in the room. "I apologize if it caused any problems."

Joker was shocked, "Really? Wow, I didn't know that you were getting hurt becau-"

Shepard cut Joker off. "No, let me finish. I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin here, I can't sleep properly, I feel tense. Every time someone brushes past me in the hall I feel like my nerves are on fire. ran all kinds of tests to make sure that my cybernetics weren't failing because I thought that there must be something wrong with me, I've never had being horny affect me to the point where I thought I may be sick."

Joker watched Shepard as she paced a track into the floor in front of him; now that she mentioned it the tension was clearly visible. Shepard looked like a caged tiger, her muscles tight under her skin and her movements abrupt.

"And then to top it all off, you come up here tonight and tell me that you want to be kissing me, and for some stupid reason I let myself feel a small sliver of hope that maybe tonight you will finally want to fuck me and when I take off my shirt you ask me why, and I get shot down yet again. So here I am, Jeff." Shepard turned to face Joker and shrugged, "I'm terrified that I might be dead again in a few hours' time and all I can think about is what the hell I have to do to convince you to make love to me because I can't bear the thought of dying without knowing what it's like to be with you."

Joker was overwhelmed, never had he had a woman desire him so much. Looking at Shepard standing in front of him he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Ask…"

"What?" Shepard was confused.

"Ask me," Joker could tell that his voice had dropped to the lower tone he normally only used when they intimate.

Shepard crossed her arms in front of her chest and regarded Joker with skeptical eyes, taking a deep breath she decided to take a chance, "Jeff, make love to me."

Joker felt what was left of his self-restraint give way and he closed the gap between them with two steps, bending over he scooped Shepard into his arms earning him a loud squeal. Walking over to the bed, he gently dropped Shepard down before working on the button at the top of her pants.

"Jeff, what are you doing?" Shepard let out a gasp as Joker traced his tongue over her collar bone.

"Too many clothes," Joker tried the button again with no success. "Dammit, Kai, if you want to keep these pants you better help me."

Shepard laughed. "Okay, calm down for a second. You better lose some clothes too, I know it's been awhile for me but last I checked you needed to be naked too."

Joker pulled his shirt over his head throwing it behind him. "Yeah, that's true. It's probably been longer for me though."

"Oh yeah?" Shepard lifted her hips pulling her pants and underwear down together. "How long?"

"You first," Joker stepped out of his pants before lying down on the bed next to Shepard.

"I guess that would be about 5 years if you count the two that I was gone for. I dated this nice guy when I was in N7, he got deployed out in a colony and eventually stopped calling." Shepard shrugged before lying back. "You?"

"Not since that time I told you about, when I broke." Joker blushed, "more years than I care to count."

"You never tried again?" Shepard rolled to lie on her side, tracing her fingers over Jokers chest.

Joker shook his head, "I was too scared too, and then I was in training. You spend a lot of time in training to become the best pilot in the world you know?"

"Yeah I can imagine," Shepard laughed, "but you never met anyone in training?"

"No, I was waiting for someone like you. Someone who would understand that I would never be able to be into rough stuff, that it would always be slow and gentle."

"You mean that you won't fuck me against the fish tanks?" Shepard trailed her hand down Jokers stomach, watching his body react to her attention. "Or over the desk?"

"Well…oh god," Joker closed his eyes as Shepard grabbed his cock and squeezed. "I'm sure we can make it happen considering we had the surgery and all."

"So what's your plan for tonight?" Shepard moved her hand slowly.

"Not much if you keep that up," Joker pulled Shepard's hand away. "But I was thinking of starting with this."

Joker gently pushed Shepard on to her back and ran his hands over Shepard's bare skin, stopping to cup her breasts gently lifting the weight, and kneading the soft flesh. Kissing Shepard's neck Joker's hands continued the journey down Shepard's body only stopping once they found the small cluster of nerves at the top of Shepard's already wet pussy.

"Jeff," Shepard gasped as Joker's fingers traced a lazy circle around her clit, "don't tease me."

Joker dropped his hand slightly, gently pressing his middle finger inside and curling it to rub against Shepard's favorite spot, "I'm not teasing, I'm getting you ready. You're so tight…"

Shepard rolled her hips into Joker's hand trying to increase the friction. "Right now I don't care if it hurts, I just want you."

Joker let out something between a groan and a growl and shifted to rest between Shepard's legs. Dropping his head into her shoulder he sighed.

"What's wrong?" Shepard felt her heart ache at the thought Joker had changed his mind.

"I'm scared," Joker barked out a sour laugh, "last time didn't go so well."

"Jeff, look at me," Shepard waited until Joker's green eyes met hers, "we'll take it slow, you'll be fine."

Joker nodded once before positioning himself against her tight entrance, momentarily unsure of how to continue, "Ready?"

"Are you kidding? I've been ready for years," Shepard locked her ankles behind Joker's ass guiding him as he slowly entered her.

"Fuck," Joker could feel his dick twitching in reaction to Shepard's heat enveloping him. "So tight."

Shepard tried to rock her hips and found herself pinned under Joker's weight. "For the love of God, move, Jeff."

Joker shifted his weight back onto his arms so he could look down at Shepard, her lips flushed and her eyes glazed with lust. "You're beautiful," Joker pulled back as far as he could without losing contact and pushed back in slowing slightly before their hips met.

Shepard gasped and clawed at Joker's back as his confidence built and his thrusts increased in speed and force, rocking her hips to meet his. Shepard could feel her muscles tightening as the pleasure seated itself in her core and steadily began to build.

Pulling Joker into a kiss she pressed on his shoulder. "Roll onto your back."

"Kai…I…we can't," Joker's movement stopped and he looked down at her with a frown.

"Jeff, you idiot, you can. You always could, surgery or not. It never mattered. I want to try this with you if you'd relax and let it happen." Shepard pushed again; Joker hesitated for a second before allowing the change in position.

"Please be careful," Joker rested his hands on Shepard's hips as she settled above him.

Leaning forwards Shepard pressed the button on the music player resting on her bedside table filling the cabin with a slow sensual beat. "Relax and enjoy the show."

Shepard closed her eyes and let the music fill her senses, reaching she pulled at the band holding her hair up shaking it out around her. Running her hand down her body she started rubbing her clit in time with the beat of the music, gently pulling up and rolling her hips before dropping back down to repeat the motion again. Soon her body was overwhelmed, the music filling her ears and the feeling of Joker sliding in and out of her body, how he would let out a little gasp when her hair ran across skin. Before she knew what was happening the pleasure from earlier was back with a burning intensity, climax her only focus.

Joker groaned at the sensation and the sight of what Shepard was doing to him, her dark hair brushing against his chest as she moved with the music. Her muscles gripping at him as her fingers danced across her clit hitting the sensitive spots he had grown to know in the past few months. Soon the pleasure grew to be too much, and Joker was clinging to the bed sheets in an attempt at lasting long enough for Shepard to finish.

"Kai, you're killing me." Joker gritted his teeth as Shepard let out a loud moan, "I can't last if you keep this up."

Shepard picked up her pace and Joker brought his hips up to meet each rotation of hers, thrusting against her gentle movement.

"Fuck," Shepard rested a hand on Joker's chest as she felt the starting of her orgasm washing over her, her muscles tightening in anticipation.

Feeling himself swell in reaction Joker grabbed Shepard's hips, digging his fingers into her sides before thrusting as hard as he dared. "Kai, let go…"

Shepard felt the world give away as her orgasm ripped through her, her eyes screwed shut and a loud moan of Joker's name on her lips. Bringing her hand away from her clit she leaned forwards on her arms as Joker continued thrusting into her.

"Kai…"Joker's back arched as he found his release, the pleasure overwhelming any concern he had about hurting himself.

Shepard dropped down onto Joker's chest; spent. "Holy shit, we are so doing that again."

Joker laughed. "You may have to give me some time, I think you killed little Jeff."

Shepard rested on an elbow to look at him, "little Jeff?"

Joker shrugged, "you haven't named it yet."

"I'll work on that," Shepard ran her hands through her hair pulling it from her face. "Good?"

"Amazing," Joker smiled, "you know you look like you're dancing when you're on top."

"And you thought you wouldn't like it," Shepard carefully moved to rest beside Joker.

"I knew I would like it, I didn't know if I would survive it. It was hit or miss for a little while."

Shepard laughed, sitting up stretching her hands above her head, "I think you did just fine."

Joker studied the lines of Shepard's back as she pulled her hair back. "You look like an angel with those wings."

"Angel eh? Is that my new pet name?" Shepard looked over her shoulder and smiled. "I thought it was Sugar Lips?"

"Which do you prefer?" Joker ran his hands over her wings and the lights of her C6X implants, glad that the new hardware had eased the discomfort of being touched.

Shepard laughed, "Angel is fine, Big Man."

"Big man?" Joker raised an eyebrow.

"Seems appropriate," Shepard stood up and found her underwear on the floor.

"Why're you getting dressed?" Joker frowned.

"Because I have to get my gear ready," Shepard pulled her shirt on. "It's prep time for the mission."

Jokers' heart gave a painful as he remembered the mission, surprised and grateful that he had an opportunity to forget. "Oh right…" he sat up and started looking for his clothes. "I guess I better get down to the cockpit."

"Hey," Shepard grabbed his arm as he walked by and pulled him into a hug. "We're going to be fine, I'll fight my way back to you so we have the chance to do that again."

Joker smiled and kissed Shepard, "I want some time for afterglow next time."

"Deal," Shepard patted Joker on the butt. "Now fly me to the Collector home world so I can kick some ass."

"Can do," Joker turned when he got to the door. "I love you."

"I love you too, Big Man." Shepard winked. "Let's do this."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: All right, this is the last chapter. Yes this is slightly AU, please don't send me reviews telling me as such when I've warned you for the past few AN that it was going to be off the track of the original story line. You're just telling me something that I already know people. I want to send a big thank you to Alilypea for seeing this through until the end for me, and to all of the readers who have added this to their favorites and given me a small glimpse of hope that my dream of writing a book one day may not be as far off as I thought it was. If I could reach through the screen and give you all a cookie I would.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything within the Mass Effect universe; I just leave my mind to wander within it a lot.

"Shepard, jump!" Joker pulled the trigger on the submachine gun he had grabbed off of Jacob and watched a few Collectors fall, adjusting his stance and the recoil rocked his body. Shepard really did make this look easy.

Shepard looked at Joker and took off at a sprint, speaking between gasping breaths as the exhaustion of battle started to wash through her muscles. "If I don't make this you need to get the crew out of here. The bomb is going to blow this place."

"Sorry Commander," Joker fired another clip of heat sinks before grabbing another clip to reload, making a mental note to ask Shepard how she could reload her gun just by smacking it. "I'm coming after you, EDI will get the crew out of here."

The end of the platform was getting closer. "Jeff, you promised."

"I lied, so you better make that jump."

Shepard dug her foot in and jumped, using all of her strength and the cybernetic implants Cerberus gave her, pushing hard against the ground. For a minute she thought she was going to make it however that hope quickly dashed as she saw the edge of the airlock just outside of her reach.

"Shit!" Shepard latched her fingers onto the edge of the Normandy's airlock and tried to pull herself up, a sharp pain in her side telling her that a bullet had passed through the soft webbing that allowed her armor to move.

"Shepard Commander," Legion reached down and locked his fingers under the edge of Shepard's armor, pulling her into the ship.

Taking a gasping breath Shepard turned an icy glare towards Joker, barely managing to contain the anger in her voice she spoke to him in a tone that could only be described as a growl. "Get us out of here, now."

Joker nodded and headed towards the cockpit, Shepard turned towards Legion. "Thanks, Legion; you just saved my ass. Do you know where the rest of the crew is?"

"In the cargo bay, Shepard Commander," Legion turned towards the CIC, Shepard followed unclipping her armor and letting it fall as she walked. Legion turned his head towards Shepard when he heard a gasp, "You are injured."

Shepard looked down at her torso and felt mildly sick, her body shaking at the sight. "It's nothing too bad Legion, I'm sure Dr. Chakwas will patch me up." Pausing to take off her boots she felt the FTL drives engage.

"We're out of range of the blast Commander, I'm going to get the Normandy somewhere safe and I'll find you," Jeff's voice filled the CIC.

"Fine," Shepard pressed the button for the elevator. "I'll be with the crew that know how to listen to orders."

"Kai-"

"No Joker, I'm not talking to you about this right now. I'm injured and I'm going Dr. Chakwas."

"Injured?" Joker turned to get out of his chair. "EDI get us somewhere safe, turn on the cloaking."

Joker walked through the CIC to see Shepard leaning on Legion for support, her white tank top a sickening red.

"What happened?"

Shepard took in a deep breath and grabbed at her lower back, pressing gently. "I appear to have been shot, which probably came around the same time when my boyfriend decided to be a total jackass and lie to me."

"I didn't lie really; I told you I would get the crew to safety so I arranged for EDI to take control while I tried to save you." Joker pulled his shirt over his head and pressed it against the bullet hole in Shepard's back earning a hiss.

"EDI, can we hurry the elevator please? I'm really not feeling that hot." Shepard clutched Legion as the room started spinning.

"One moment," a second later the elevator doors slid open and Legion took a step back trying to guide Shepard with him, moving to take a step Shepard let out a startled "oh" as the pain erupted up her spine and her knees gave way.

"Shit, Kai," Joker pressed harder against the wound and found his shirt had soaked through. "You need to get to ."

Making a whirring noise Legion bent over and pulled Shepard into his arms, walking into the elevator.

Shepard let out a weak laugh, earning a confused look from Joker. "If you had told me two months ago that I would be hugging a Geth I would have sent you for a mental evaluation."

Joker laughed, "Yeah well right now all you need to worry about it staying awake, we can talk about you hugging Legion later."

"What is a hug?" Legion whirred in confusion.

Shepard smiled as her eyes started to drift closed, the mix of the battle exhaustion and the blood loss making her eyelids feel extraordinarily heavy, "If I make it through this Legion I'll show you."

"Kai, stay awake," Joker shook her shoulder gently.

"I'm trying, jackass." Kai frowne., "I wouldn't have been shot if you had just flown the ship, you threw me for a loop. I couldn't concentrate on the jump."

"Sorry Kai," Joker shook his head, "I can't live without you, and no way I was just going to fly away."

"Yeah yeah, you're still a jerk." Kai looked at the lights signaling that they had only just made the crew deck. "EDI, what's wrong with the elevator?"

"The Normandy has sustained significant damage Shepard; I'm currently rerouting power from non-critical systems to power the elevator. However there is an emergency first aid just under the control panel that contains medi-gel to slow your bleeding."

Joker made quick work of retrieving the kit, "Legion, put her down…gently."

Legion bent over before placing Shepard on the floor, Joker sorted through the kit before coming up with the needed supplies. "Keep her in a sitting position; she's going to need to lean on you."

Legion dropped to his knees and Shepard rested her arms around his neck, "To answer your question Legion, this is a hug."

"What is the purpose of this 'hug'?" Legion kept his arms around Shepard as Joker cut away the wasted shirt, leaving Shepard in her sports bra.

"It's a sign of affection, sometimes also used for comforting someone in a time of crisis." Shepard groaned as Joker started pressing around the wound. "How does it look?"

"Bad," Joker was pale, "all of your lights are still on but I uh, don't want to put medi-gel on it if I'm not sure if the bullet is still in there."

"The bullet went straight through," Shepard looked down at the exit wound on her belly, thankful that its location probably meant that it had missed anything too vital. "Medi-gel would probably help."

"Shepard Commander,"

"Yes, Legion?" Shepard sighed as Joker started to apply the gel in a thick coat, the pain easing.

"Are there any other steps to this 'hug'?"

Shepard smiled, "Yes, you usually squeeze each other gently; sometimes you rub each other's backs."

Nodding Legion gently pulled Shepard forwards to embrace her; running his hand over her back while avoiding the wound.

"Is this correct?"

Shepard returned the motion, "Yes, Legion."

The elevator stopped and Legion helped Shepard stand walking into the crew deck Shepard found the crew huddled together most in tears.

"Hey," the crew snapped to attention at Shepard's voice, turning to face her with stunned expressions. "Why the hell are you crying? We just beat the collectors."

"Shepard! You're hurt!" Dr. Chakwas made quick work of making a makeshift exam table and Mordin grabbed the medical supplies. Walking over and launching her omni-tool Dr. Chakwas wiped away tears resting on her face.

"What's wrong, Karin?" Shepard frowned as the Doctor did her exam.

"I thought I had lost you, again…" looked at the crew that had gathered around the crate Shepard was resting on, "We all did."

Shepard shrugged as the Doctor made repairs to her stomach. "Takes more than death to keep me dead."

Garrus laughed, "God Shepard, does anything get you down?"

"Being shot kind of sucks," Shepard smiled and slowly sat up when Dr. Chakwas gave her the nod that it was okay, "but you know me, it's just a standard day at the office."

Reaching forwards Garrus pulled Shepard into a hug and before long the rest of the crew joined in. Some laughing, some crying and Zaeed and Jack making loud comments about "mushy emotional crap" but hugging the crew regardless.

Legion stepped towards the group and joined in, his arms around Tali's back and resting on Zaeed's shoulder. "We understand the value of this Human behavior."

Tali looked around shocked before laughing, "I'm being hugged by a Geth."

"He hugged me first," Shepard chuckled, "I think we gave him a taste for it."

"So Commander," Tali pulled back, "you've just defeated the Collectors, what now?"

Shepard thought about it for a minute. "Well, first I say that we all deserve at least a month of shore leave, the ship really needs to be repaired, I'll have to turn myself into the Alliance, and eventually we'll have to defeat the Reapers."

Joker walked to stand in front of Shepard. "I think we have one other thing that we need to do before you turn yourself into the Alliance."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?"

Joker nodded before reaching into his pocket and dropping to one knee, "Marry me?"

The room was silent as Shepard covered her mouth in surprise, "Really?"

Joker smiled and took the ring from its box before grabbing Shepard's hand, "Kai Shepard, I love you. I may not be the perfect guy, but as long as you'll stay by my side I promise that I will always keep trying to be a better person. I've loved you forever, and now that you love me back I can't imagine life without you. Please, say you'll marry me?"

Shepard paused. "One condition."

Joker smiled, "Oh, and that is?"

"You're taking my name."

"Deal," Joker slid the ring into place and stood up to pull Shepard into a kiss.

The crowd around them broke into happy yells, and soon Jack had suggested they move the celebration up to the lounge using the line, "happy times like this call for hard liquor."

While the crew filed into the elevator Shepard took a minute to sit down and look at her ring, Joker had picked a yellow diamond to match the sunflower necklace. Reaching up she felt the weight of the flower on her chest, she had to give Grunt credit as the chain really was strong.

"Do you like it?" Joker was leaning on a crate nearby with an amused expression on his face.

"It's beautiful," Shepard extended her hand. "Come here."

Joker walked towards Shepard before sitting beside her, "How's your back?"

"Fine," Shepard pointed at the red welt on her belly. "Honestly being shot is like an average Wednesday for me now."

"Ugh," Joker winced, "that's not a very comforting thought."

"No," Shepard laughed. "It's not really. It's just a fact of life."

"So, do you want a big wedding? Have all the press there? We could use it to recruit people in the fight against the Reapers."

Shepard pulled a face. "No way, something small, just our closest friends."

"When do you want to do it?" Joker ran his hand up Shepard's back, earning him a contented sigh.

"Whenever, today, tomorrow, next year. I'll let you pick." Shepard felt her skin heat at the contact.

"How about June? June 19th?" Joker carefully pulled Shepard into his lap and kissed her neck.

"June? That's only a few months away." Shepard closed her eyes and tilted her head back to allow Joker access to her neck.

"You said I could pick, besides you know Miranda and Tali will help you plan it." Joker gently bit down on her collarbone.

"Okay, deal." Shepard glanced around to ensure they were alone before standing up and dropping her pants and underwear. Turning to Joker she made quick work of his fly, pulling his erection free of his pants.

"What are you doing?" Joker groaned as Shepard ran her hand over his shaft.

"Getting laid," Shepard pulled Joker to his feet before leaning over the crate they were just sitting on.

"Christ…" Joker could see that Shepard was already wet, "Here?"

"Joker, I'm giving you ten-seconds to be inside me." Shepard felt him approach her, "One…"

With a quick thrust Joker buried himself inside Shepard's heat; Shepard let out a groan and pushed back against Joker's hips. Pulling out until they were just barely connected Joker slowly pushed forwards again.

"Jeff," Shepard looked over her shoulder and Joker could see lust and irritation in her eyes, "you can be romantic and slow later, right now I need you to fuck me."

"Yes, Commander," Joker grinned and dug his fingers into the flesh of her hips, "ready?"

"Jeff, I'm going to hurt you,"

Joker pulled out again before thrusting in with more force, Shepard groaned and dropped her head onto the crate. Taking that as a good sign Joker quickly set up a fast and hard rhythm pumping in and out of Shepard.

"Shit," Shepard groaned and moved one of her hands to work her clit, "harder."

Joker gritted his teeth, "I won't last."

"It's ok," Shepard moaned as she felt her muscles start to tighten, "almost there."

Joker thrust harder, the sounds of flesh against flesh echoing throughout the cargo bay, "Come on Kai…"

Shepard felt the pleasure in her core bubble over and explode throughout her body, "Fuck!"

Leaning over Shepard's body as Joker felt her muscles grabbing at him he was quick to follow with his own climax.

Gasping to catch his breath Joker laughed, "Well, that was different. Can't say I'm too impressed with my staying power."

"Never heard of a quickie?" Shepard winced as Joker gently pulled out.

"I just never thought I would be the guy that got laid in the cargo bay of a ship."

"That's okay," Shepard quickly pulled on her pants, deciding to forgo her underwear and instead tucking them into Joker's pocket with a wink. "I never thought I was the kind of girl that would ever get married."

Joker smiled and pulled Shepard into a hug, "So June 19th?"

"Sounds like a date." Shepard took Jokers hand and walked towards the elevator, "Why the 19th?"

"It was my Mom's birthday," Joker pulled Shepard into a hug while they waited for the elevator to descend. "She would have loved you."

Shepard smiled against Jokers chest, "I hope so, and I think my parent's would have liked you too."

Walking into the elevator Joker chuckled, "What are you going to tell the crew when we get up there?"

"Don't worry about it, I've got it covered." Shepard could hear the crew laughing the second lounge doors opened.

"Hey Shepard, where have you been?" Jack walked over and shoved a beer into her hand.

"Getting laid down in the cargo bay," Shepard laughed as Joker choked on his drink. "I had to celebrate."

"Right on," Jack punched Joker in the arm. "Good job buddy."

Joker let out an awkward laugh, "Thanks Jack."

"So Shepard, have you set a date?" Tali walked over with Garrus in tow.

"June 19th"

"That's only four months away!" Miranda broke through the crowd, "How are you going to get an entire wedding planned that fast?"

"Well," Shepard smiled, "I figured that considering everyone standing in this room is invited you would be willing to help me? I don't know anyone better at organizing things than you Miranda."

Miranda surged at the compliment and pulled up her omni-tool, "Well, yes, I'm sure it can be done."

"Sounds like a plan, we'll figure out details soon right now I think we need to celebrate." Shepard raised her beer, "Who's like us?"

Jacob and Joker were the only ones in the crew that knew the next step but they quickly jumped to attention, "Damn few and they're all dead!"

In Joker's opinion there was no higher form of torture than wedding planning. Shepard had seemed pretty calm about it all but Miranda had gone into overdrive with planning when Shepard had given her the reins on the project. Joker hadn't known how many different shades of yellow there were until he had spent an entire day looking at sunflowers, and still had no idea why it was so important. Looking in the mirror at his dress blues he smiled, finally June 19th had arrived.

The door behind Joker opened and Garrus stepped into the hotel room Joker's wedding party was using as base of operations for the day. "Hey buddy, you're looking good." Garrus opened his arms to show off his Turian military uniform, "Is this going to be ok today?"

Joker smiled, "I still look better, but you're looking pretty sharp. Any news from the girls?"

Garrus nodded, "Apparently Shepard has been throwing up all morning, Tali thinks it's nerves. "

"I hope she's okay," Joker adjusted the cuff of his jacket, "not getting cold feet or anything."

"I'm sure she's fine Joker, Tali said she was in good spirits. Miranda has them practicing smiles for the pictures now."

"Practicing smiles?" Joker laughed, "I'm sure Shepard's pleased."

"Never mind Shepard, Tali keeps threatening to send out her combat drone." Garrus laughed. "Where are the rest of the guys?"

"Zaeed is grabbing his tie from Jack, apparently they were using it last night for something, I didn't ask for details. Jacob is polishing his boots in the bathroom."

Garrus checked his omni-tool, "We've got 15 minutes until show time, we should make our way to the venue."

Jacob stepped into the room. "Zaeed just sent me a message, he's going to meet us at the Presidium, not much point in him walking all the way back across the Citadel."

"Right, let's go then." Joker gave himself one last check over, "Got the rings Garrus?"

"Stop worrying, let's go." Garrus guided Joker to the car waiting outside, "I'll drop you at the venue and go and get the girls."

Joker stood at the top of the aisle smiling and nodding at the guests as they took their seats in the white chairs that lined the inside of the Presidium. Joker's heart did a backflip when the Asari string quartet started to play.

"Breathe Son," Admiral Anderson patted Joker on the back, he had agreed to marry them when Shepard had told him the news. "Your bride will be here in a minute, we don't need you fainting on us."

Joker nodded and took a deep breath, soon Miranda, Tali and Jack walked down the aisle wearing purple dresses with gold detailing. Shepard had mentioned that they matched Tali's enviro-suit so Tali wouldn't have to go through the trouble of changing. Joker smiled at them as they took their places, and the music swelled around them. The guests stood and turned, craning their necks to get the first look as the bride to be stepped out on the arm of Garrus.

Jokers' heart stopped. Shepard was wearing a white sleeveless gown that had a small gold braided belt that sat just under her bust before flaring out and stopping at the floor. The fabric flowed around her as she took each step making her look as if she was gliding. Shepard's dark hair fell in waves around her shoulders and she wore just enough makeup to make her skin glow under the light of the Citadel Presidium.

"Ready?" Garrus leaned in to whisper in Shepard's ear. "If you want to run now I can probably cover you so you can get a head start."

Shepard laughed, "Just don't let me fall in these heels."

Placing his three-fingered hand over hers, Garrus slowly lead Shepard down the aisle towards her waiting fiancé.

Coming to stop in front of Joker Shepard smiled when she saw Joker mouth 'beautiful'.

"Who presents this bride for marriage?" Admiral Anderson was beaming, his eyes glassy.

"I do," Garrus pulled Shepard into a hug, "I love you Kai." Gently stepping back Garrus took his place next to Joker as best man.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please be seated." Admiral Anderson opened the small book and began to read; "We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in marriage. If anyone here has any reason why these two should not be wed please speak now."

"If anyone says anything, I'll blast you." Jack flared her biotics slightly to accent the point, the crowd laughed.

"Anyway…"Anderson laughed, "The Bride and Groom have prepared their own vows. Jeff, please go ahead."

Joker reached out to take Shepard's hands in his, "Hi,"

Shepard laughed along with the guests, "Hi."

"First, I'd just like to say you look beautiful," Joker brushed a stray curl of hair from Shepard's face, "second, I want to say that writing vows is really hard. Every night after you fell asleep I would walk over to our desk and look at those little cue cards that you had left out and have no idea what to write on them. Eventually I figured it out, Commander, Shepard, Kai, my Angel; there are no words that can describe how I feel about you. I remember when I lost you, the world seemed so dark. There was no happiness, no joy. When they told me that they were bringing you back I didn't believe it, you had been gone for months and I was sure that I was destined to spend my life alone and miserable. It was a Wednesday, at least a year later before they let me see you."

Joker let out a small laugh before wiping the tears that were running down his face on the back of his sleeve, "You looked like sleeping beauty, and all I could think was wow. It was like I had walked around with this missing part and here it was lying in front of me. That's when I knew that when you woke up I would have to tell you that I loved you, because there is no one else in this universe that completes me like you do. I don't know what we face out there, but whatever it is I'll gladly face it by your side."

"Well done Son," Admiral Anderson smiled, "Kai, go ahead."

"Well, I think I have a tough act to follow." Shepard paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "Jeff, I was sure that we were meant to be together when I died, or more to the point what happened after I died."

The guests were leaning forwards in their chairs, hanging on every word.

"My last thought was of you, and if you had made it off the ship alive and then everything went dark. I don't know if I was in Heaven, or if such a place exists but I can remember thinking about you. I missed your laugh, your hats, and your impression of Garrus. While I was wherever I was before I came back the only thing that I thought of was you. When I woke up two years later I didn't even know where to start. My crew was gone, my ship destroyed and two years had passed and I had become a memory for almost all of my friends."

Shepard could feel the tears streaming down her face, she smiled her thanks when Anderson handed her a tissue.

"'Hey Commander, just like old times huh?' and there you were, just like I had never left and I was more in love with you than ever. I can't promise a safe life or an easy life with me as your wife. I can't promise you that I'll love you for as long as I live, and into my heaven when I pass."

"That was beautiful," Anderson turned towards Joker, "do you Jeff Moreau take this woman Kai Shepard to be your lawfully wedded Wife, will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," Joker smiled as Shepard eased the ring onto his finger.

"And do you Kai Shepard take this man to be your lawfully wedded Husband, will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"

Shepard paused for a minute before smiling, "We will."

"We?" Joker laughed, "You've been spending too much time with the Geth."

The guests laughed, looking at Legion who was letting out his confused whir. Shepard shook her head slowly. "No," Taking Joker's hand she gently pressed the palm of his hand flat against her belly, "_we,_" Shepard put emphasis on the word, "we will."

Joker's mouth dropped open in surprise and he pressed gently against the small curve of Shepard's stomach that he hadn't noticed before. "Really?"

Shepard nodded, "Really."

Joker took the ring from Anderson and slid it on Shepard's finger before turning back to him, "You better get to the kissing part soon Sir, I just found out I'm going to be a Dad."

Anderson laughed, "all right, with the power invested in me by…well…by Shepard…I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride."

Joker pulled Shepard in tight and placed a kiss on her lips before dropping to his knees and pulling her dress tight to reveal the swell of her stomach and placing a kiss there. "Hey, Baby. I'm your Dad"

Standing up Joker took Shepard's hand in his, "So, together?"

Shepard smiled, and nodded, "Together."


End file.
